


Play By Play

by kyoloren



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Consent is Sexy, Epistolary, F/M, Firsts, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Happily Ever After, Hockey, Holidays, Ice Skating, Making Out, Oral Sex, Overdose (mentions), School Dances, Self-Harm, Skywalker Family Drama, Smut, Substance Abuse (mentions), twitfic tie-in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:41:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 36,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23015683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyoloren/pseuds/kyoloren
Summary: In which Ben Solo is an RA in freshmen hockey player Rey Niima's college dorm. Absolutely nothing could happen between them. Right?
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 28
Kudos: 125





	1. Floor Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> I accidentally started a new twitter fic. This one will have a bit more angst than fluffy of the last one. You can read the full thread [here on my twitter](https://twitter.com/hunkbuster/status/1234878392182484994).
> 
> I'll be updating tags and rating as we go.

Kaydel nearly dragged Rey out of their room and down to the end of the hall. There were thirty rooms per floor, resulting in sixty students plus an RA. They weren’t the only ones heading down to the basement where the huge lounge would fit them all.

Kaydel talked a mile a minute and Rey kept up, trying not to trip on the green plastic edges of the stairs meant to help to  _ not _ trip. She was an accident waiting to happen when she wasn’t on the ice.

The din of nearly sixty--not everyone showed up tonight--voices blocked out Kaydel’s when they stepped into the basement. There were couches, a pool and ping-pong table and a serviceable kitchen on the other side of a wall, along with a big TV in the corner. Most everyone was already sitting, so Rey stood by the wall by the exit, arms crossed, waiting.

She spotted the two boys who lived across the hall--Poe Dameron and Finn Johnson--and gave them a wave. They were nice, the kind of people who kept their door open whenever they were inside so people would poke their heads in. They were a senior and junior respectively; Rey had asked.

After what seemed like an eternity, someone Rey  _ didn’t _ recognize stepped into the lounge space from the kitchen area. He was really tall, with black hair, wide shoulders, and a babyface. Okay, so she could see scruff from here, but he still looked young. He wasn’t walk-out-of-a-magazine attractive but something about him struck her as that anyway.

Kaydel looped her arm through Rey’s as he spoke.

“So I know I’ve met most of you,” he started, standing and blocking the black screen of the TV. He hunched his shoulders, hands in his pockets, trying to make himself smaller. “But in case we haven’t met, I’m Ben. I live in 311 and I’m your RA. So if you have any problems with your living arrangement or in the dorm itself, you can come to me.”

Rey was aware she was staring, but that was kind of the point, wasn’t it? He was  _ talking _ , she should be paying attention.

“So if there’s anything you wanted to say right now, go ahead.”

About a dozen hands shot up, everyone still instilled with the raise-hand-to-speak-in-a-group thing. Which was a whole lot better than everyone yelling things out at once.

All the questions were asked and answered. Some were important--Can we have parties?  _ Sure, but they have to stay in your room or in the floor’s common area and if it’s disruptive, I can put an end to it for the night _ .--and some were dumb--What if I don’t like the communal bathrooms?  _ Uh...nothing you can do about that, unfortunately. Unless you want to transfer to the other dorm which has a suite floorplan but I think they’re full. _ But Ben answered all of them.

“There’s two bulletin boards in the hall. I’ll be updating one about any events going on in the dorm. We usually have a holiday party at the end of the year. And I like to promote the LGBTQ dance in the student center that’s near Halloween so keep an eye out for that. And the last thing is that I do have access to all your phone numbers in case there’s an emergency but I won’t be texting you unless there’s a reason. But you can find me in my room or leave me a note if something comes up when I’m not in.” Just around then, Ben seemed to notice Rey for the first time, registering her as someone he hadn’t met yet. “And that’s it. Have a fun  _ and safe _ weekend! I don’t want to have to deal with any trouble this weekend.”

The group sort of communally laughed and started to funnel out of the room, passed Rey and Kaydel, who stepped aside. Kaydel was furiously texting on her phone. Rey was curious about Ben, so she stayed put and watched as he had a few short conversations with a couple other people, Poe included, before most were gone. Some stayed sitting on the couches, someone else walked over to the pool table.

Ben headed over to them. “Hey, Kaydel,” he said with a small smile. And then he turned to Rey. “You must be Rey.”

“That’s me,” she said, tilting her head back to meet his eyes. They were nice eyes, a little sad and puppy-doggish. “Nice to finally meet you.”

“Yeah, you too. Hope you’re settling into the dorm okay.”

“I am. Having a predetermined friend group kind of helps.”

Ben nodded in understanding. “Hockey, right?”

“Yeah. We’re actually about to go meet up with the other girls but it was nice to put a face to the name.” She flashed a big, toothy grin and yanked Kaydel out of the room, who looked up from her phone just enough to yell, “Bye, Ben!” before the door swung shut.

“Jessika’s waiting outside,” Kaydel said as they ascended the stairs to the ground floor.

“Great!”


	2. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is caught out in the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was actually inspired by Fran, who was one of many to give me some good college plot points to add to this fic. 
> 
> As stated in the last chapter, this is part of my twitter fic which is mostly told through text, tweets and instagram posts along with longer sections. Check out [the full thing here](https://twitter.com/hunkbuster/status/1234878392182484994) and stay updated!

It was raining. Hard. And Rey left her stupid fucking wallet in her room and she was here, outside, just after noon without her key card. It was pouring buckets and the stupid fucking building didn’t have an awning to cover her and her backpack was getting wet even though she’d shoved it under her hoodie to try to keep her books dry.

It was the middle of the day and everyone was either in class or at lunch. She’d been standing here for five minutes and not a single soul had walked by. The hot dry feeling in the back of her throat had already escalated to sobs as she ran from the Alderaan building. It threatened to return here and she hadn’t stopped to wonder if the water on her face was all rain or if she’d been crying this whole time.

She was just about to leave, to hike down the hill toward the dining hall, when she saw a figure heading this way under a heavenly looking black umbrella. As they got closer, she saw that it was none other than Ben Solo, her RA. She was too hurt to laugh at the irony and waited until he was closer. He didn’t notice her, blending into the trees until she stepped out.

“Thank God,” she said abruptly.

Ben jumped and cursed, hand going to his chest. 

“I’m sorry!” Rey squeaked. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s--” he paused to gulp down some air, “fine. Are you...shit you’re soaked.” Without question, he opened the door with his card and ushered her in first. She walked in, thankful to be out of the downpour, but now feeling just how wet she was. Even down to her socks.  _ Gross _ . “How long were you standing out there?”

Rey watched him shake out the umbrella and pulled her backpack out from under her now-stretched-out hoodie. “Just a few minutes. I left my wallet in my room.”

“Do you need a room key?”

She shook her head and they wandered to the stairs together. He opened the door for her and she walked up the steps, trying not to slip. “Thanks,” she said as they got to her door first. She had her real-deal metal key in her front pants pocket.

His eyes flickered across her face, seeing something or searching, before he gave her a small smile. “Sure thing.”

A little while later, Ben made his way a few doors down from his dorm room to Rey’s doorstep. He knocked his knuckles lightly on the half-open door. “Yeah?” Rey’s muffled voice came from within. He pushed open the door.

Rey was inside, in dry clothes, drying her hair with a towel. She immediately turned toward one of the beds to avoid looking at him.

“You okay?” Ben asked. He didn’t have her schedule memorized or anything but she’d never been in the dorm at this time of day before.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said, though now it was obvious that her red nose and puffy eyes were from crying, not from rain.

He hesitated. One, he’d never been an RA before, and two, he didn’t know her very well so he didn’t want to upset her even more than she already seemed to be. But finally, he spoke. “Um...I’m not a therapist or anything, which we have on campus if you need one, but you can tell me what happened, if you want.”

She didn’t, but she found herself speaking anyway. And she wasn’t looking at him, which helped, her eyes on the sock hanging out of the top of Kaydel’s dresser. “You know when you don’t want to look stupid so you pretend to know something but you pretend to know it wrongly and the people around you notice and it’s even worse than if you’d never pretended at all?” She shuddered with a shiver of cold and discomfort. “I hate not knowing things but my education was spotty because of--it just...I don’t want to be here on a sports scholarship and have people think that’s the only reason I’m here. I want to learn shit but I want to  _ know _ things too.” She made a face, scrunching up her nose along with her fists. “Did that make any sense?”

“A bit,” Ben admitted, staying in the doorway. He blocked most of the light from the hall.

“So I made a complete fucking fool of myself in this class and I just stormed out and came here and was locked out and then you…” She turned to him then and frowned, the crease folding her forehead and between her eyes. “Thank you for showing up when you did. I know it wasn’t for me, but it was impeccable timing.”

“Happy to be of service.” He smiled and she shivered again for a different reason. “And I promise you that no one will even think about it the next time you’re in class. Everyone is dealing with their own insecurities and anxieties even if it looks like they’re not.”

The words sounded nice. Rey almost believed them. She moved and hung her wet towel over the post making up one corner of her bed. “Thanks for saying that.” She looked around the room and heaved a sigh. “Since I’m here I may as well do some homework. I’m horrid at writing papers but from what I can tell, 90% of my homework this year will be papers.”

“I could help,” Ben offered before even thinking.

Rey arched an eyebrow at him. 

“I’m an English major. Literature, classics. Pretty sure my major has more papers than any other. I could write them in my sleep. Probably do,” he muttered the last bit with a slight furrow of his brow before returning to the present.

Rey was gawking at him. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. I can look over what you’ve got.”

“For like...for free? No strings attached?”

“No strings attached.”

“Thank God. My first paper got a C and I can’t stay on the team if my average gets too low. I just...I don’t know what to write.”

Ben pushed away from the doorframe and took a step into the hall. “Bring your stuff. I’ll meet you in the common room in a few minutes.”

She poked her head out of the room. “How many times can I say thank you to you in the span of twenty minutes?”

He didn’t reply but she saw him shake his head and chuckle before disappearing into his own room.


	3. The Core

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Rey is stuck at a party she doesn't want to be at, she texts Ben, who comes to pick her up, no questions asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my favorite ideas for this fic. Ben being all gallant and no-questions-asked is my favorite.
> 
> Make sure to keep up with the rest of the fic on [my twitter](https://twitter.com/hunkbuster/status/1234878392182484994)!

Chandrila wasn’t a small campus with two-thousand students, but it also wasn’t a huge campus with forty-thousand. It was somewhere in the middle. After a year, you could recognize pretty much every face you pass on a regular schedule, even if you don’t know their names. After four years, you knew a lot of people, whether you liked it or not.

The school had just a few sports teams: mens soccer, men and womens basketball and women’s hockey. There used to be a men’s hockey team a decade ago, but not enough students came to the school to keep it going. 

Ben went to the basketball games to watch Phasma because they were friends--well she’d been friends with Bazine first, but they hit it off when Ben and Bazine were going out--and Ben had gone to the soccer games when he was going out with Tai because it was the only sport Tai cared about. So Ben knew a number of student athletes on campus.

So he knew about the off campus soccer house--called  _ The Core _ , which was indeed a stupid name--and he also knew the kind of parties that went on there. Not for the faint of heart, definitely not for a lone freshman to go to.

Ben pulled up and parked on the side of the road. There were many cars haphazardly parked and a number of bicycles on the lawn. The music was loud and the people inside were even louder.

He pushed through the throng in front of the door. The air was smokey, but a few windows were propped open so at least it wasn’t a hotbox inside the main area. The music was playing through multiple speakers from someone’s spotify playlist. There was a keg or two, multiple beer pong games going on and screeching girls darting away from the groping hands of soccer players in some college version of a sexual hunt game.

Ben scanned the crowd for the captain of the team and found him standing in the kitchen, chuckling into a red solo cup. He noticed Ben before Ben got a chance to open his mouth.

“Ben Solo? No shit,” Snap Wexley said, sounding like probably the most sober person in the room aside from Ben. “The fuck are you doing here, man? Didn’t you go straight?”

“Yes,” Ben said shortly. Snap was a good guy, but there was a reason he was here and he wasn’t going to play nice. “Where’s your bathroom?”

If Snap thought it was weird that Ben burst in here asking for a toilet, he didn’t say anything about it. “Under the stairs,” he said, pointing. He said something else to Ben’s retreating back, but Ben couldn’t hear it.

He walked through the kitchen, through the mock conservatory and toward the corner where there was a door nestled under the stairway. It was marginally quieter here, but it was also smokier. He leaned against the door so he could press his ear to the wood and knocked loud enough to hear.

“Hey, Rey,” he said, hoping she could hear him. “It’s Ben.”

He was about to knock again when the door’s lock slid over and she slowly pulled back to the door, checking that it was really him before opening it fully. 

“Hi,” she said, face flushed.

“Do you have all your stuff?” he asked, voice a bit loud as the music dipped out for a moment.

She nodded, gripping the small bag slung across her torso. He nodded right back, hopefully one of assurance, and glanced through the nearby doorway at the main room, filled with people. Without thinking, he reached a hand back behind him.

Rey didn’t even hesitate, taking his hand and holding on tightly as he used his size to carve a path toward the door. Once outside, the sounds muffled by the door, Rey let go and both of them had a moment where the absence of warmth made them almost reach for each other again but neither of them did.

Instead, they walked down the wooden steps and Ben asked, “Are you okay?”

“Thank you for coming,” she said, wrapping her arms around herself. Her face got redder now from embarrassment than anxiety and panic. The night air was cooler than the house and she was thankful for it as it ran over her bare arms. “I thought...someone invited me and I thought it would be fine but it was just...a lot.”

“Yep,” Ben said. He’d spent a lot of time here in the past, but his memory of it was so hazy he honestly hadn’t remembered where the bathroom was in the place. Which wasn’t really the sort of memories he wanted to stir up, but there they were.

“I should have asked Rose first. Or just...not gone. I should have known better.”

They stopped at Ben’s car and he had to wiggle the key around in the passenger's side to get the door open. “It’s college. Also known as the place to make every mistake imaginable and hopefully come out on top.”

Rey gave him a weak smile and got into the car. He joined her and pulled away from The Core. Ben rolled the windows down a little to let in some fresh air, but his radio was busted so it was quiet.

Rey sat silent and still in the seat for two full minutes before she groaned and rubbed her face with her hands. “I feel so stupid.”

“It’s fine,” Ben said, which was his go-to response for just about everything.

“I’m not usually like this. But I figured that I may as well experience everything I can. I mean, it’s college, right?”

“Right.”

“But maybe I should just do hockey and classes and that’s it.”

“There’s plenty of time for other things,” he pointed out. “You’ve been here less than a month. And you’ve got four years to go.”

“Not if I fail my classes or keep making stupid decisions like tonight.” She threw herself back into the seat, knuckles turning white as she gripped the seatbelt.

There were no other cars on the road. Ben slowed to a stop at a stop sign and twisted in his seat. “Hey. Don’t say that.”

“It’s true. I’m beginning to think I should have just stayed where I was.” She took in a deep breath, shaking with anger and frustration. “At least then I was only disappointing myself. But here I have a team and friends and I…” She shook her head, leaning forward and burying her head in her hands.

Ben felt a knot form in his chest. He glanced out the windshield and then back at her, hunched over and shaking. “Hey,” he said again, his voice soft. After a moment’s hesitation, he gently rested his hand on her back. “It’ll be okay.”

She mumbled something incoherent into her hands. He didn’t know how hard she was trying not to cry or how nice it felt when he ran his hands in small circles against her back.

They stayed that way for a while before she finally got ahold of herself and sat up, momentarily trapping his hand between her and the seat before he took it back. “Do you really think so?” she asked, staring over at him through the dim light.

“Yeah. I mean, college is great. But it also really fucking sucks sometimes.”

For some reason that made her laugh. Just a short bark of a laugh, but some warmth reappeared in her eyes from it and her hands stopped shaking at least. “I’m sorry I dragged you out of bed so late.”

“I was still up,” Ben said, the shift in conversation apparent. He started driving again. “I’m glad you texted me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” He had to backtrack, and  _ think _ before he said something possibly regretful. The late hour loosened his tongue just as much as alcohol. “You’re a nice change of pace from people I usually hang out with.”

Rey wasn’t exactly sure if she and Ben  _ hung out _ but perhaps it was true. She didn’t hate the thought. “I hope that’s a compliment.”

“It is, it is. I ended up befriending mostly theater kids when I started here. They’re great. Just very extroverted. Very uh...dramatic.”

She snickered a little. 

“But you’re uh...not that.”

“I assure you, I can be very dramatic.”

Ben laughed a little as he pulled his car into a spot in front of the Jakku dorm. “Well, around me, you’re a little bit calm. A little peaceful.”

Rey had never been called  _ peaceful  _ before, and not in this context. She smiled a little nervously and unhooked her belt. “That sounds nice.”

“It is.” Ben unclipped his seatbelt. “Hang on, I’ve got to get the door from the outside.” He got out and circled the car, struggling with the door before it popped open.

“Thanks,” Rey said, stepping out. Ben pushed the door closed, resulting in them standing very close. She held her breath and waited a beat. She didn’t know what she expected, but she was all kinds of messed up right now and could barely think through the emotional bog. 

Ben didn’t move away straight away. He should have, but he didn’t. It wasn’t just that she was pretty--she was gorgeous in a way that didn’t need any effort--and her soft little accent, but she was actually a pretty nice person. They’d spent more time together, working on her papers, bumping into each other in the hall or the basement trying to make food. Living in a dorm made it  _ so easy _ to feel like you really knew someone.

But he really  _ did _ want to know her, so he stepped back. “C’mon,” he said, “it’s late.”

She nodded and they walked inside. The person who checked IDs was long gone and they walked right up to the third floor.

“The first hockey game of the season is next weekend,” Rey said as they walked down the thin carpet. She kept her voice low, even though she could hear enough noise coming from the closed doors to tell her most people were still awake.

“Oh. Are you excited?” Ben asked.

“I am. You should...you should come. If you can. We have two home games, Friday and Saturday.”

“Oh yeah? I’ll see if I can make it.”

They paused in front of her door, marked with two little cardstock signs with hand-written names on them. They were all swirly and pretty and at that very moment Rey realized that Ben must have made them. 

“Um...thanks for getting me,” she said, turning to him, reaching into her bag for her door key.

“Anytime,” Ben replied, giving her a smile before he turned on his heel and continued walking down the hall toward his room.

Rey tried to quietly enter her room, but she shouldn’t have bothered, Kaydel woke up immediately, propping herself up on her elbows, sleeping mask pushed up to her forehead. “Where the fuck’ve you been?”


	4. Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey go to lunch. That's it, that's the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's reading! Here's the next installment in my twitfic. I promise this seemingly average scene is laying ground for future stuff. I PROMISE!
> 
> Keep up to date over on [my twitter](https://twitter.com/hunkbuster/status/1234878392182484994) :)

Rey was feeling happy, if not a little drained from the weekend. She’d had a meeting with Coach Tano between her two classes this morning. Mostly good things. Praise for her work over the weekend. Some tips and exercises to try out. Followed by, “And how are you doing handling your first time in the US,  _ and _ college,  _ and _ the team?”

She’d been faced with a lot, and she didn’t want to lie. “I’ve been better. Trying to juggle everything is tough.”

“You should talk with your advisor. She may be able to suggest something for easing your schedule for next semester. Classes will open soon.”

So with an email sent off to Professor Maz Kanata, Rey was back at the dorms. She was about to head straight to her room, but hesitated. Shaking her head, she opened the door, tossed her backpack inside and then jumped when Finn spoke behind her.

“Hey, Rey,” he said, leaning on the doorframe of his open dorm door. “Sorry, didn’t mean to make you jump.”

Rey flashed him a grin. “It’s fine. What’s up?”

“Nice game on Saturday. Ben convinced Poe to go in his stead and I got dragged along. I mean...it was nice.” He chuckled and scratched his short hair.

“Thanks,” she said, beaming. “We have such a small school compared to others. It’s nice to know that more people are going to see us.”

“Yeah. We may go more often.”

“Halloween is said to be really fun. Everyone, the crowd I mean, comes dressed up and mostly drunk. More So than usual. I’ve heard it gets wild.”

“Well then, I know what we’re doing on Halloween then.” He gave her a cheeky grin before dipping back into his room.

With him gone, she turned toward Ben’s room. It was opposite the elevator, with a whiteboard on the front for notes and a currently-empty plastic bucket duct taped to the wall. It was usually filled with condoms, which anyone could get free from the Health Center, but most RAs had a stash. No one wanted a pregnancy on their hands in  _ college _ .

Either their floor was  _ very active _ or someone had been stealing them to play pranks. Rey honestly couldn’t decide which one seemed more plausible. Shaking her head, she lifted a hand to knock but the door swung inward before she could.

“Rey!” Ben exclaimed. Or maybe it was “ _ hey _ !” she couldn’t really tell.

She took a step back. “Hey. I was just about to knock.”

“What’s up?” he asked, his tense posture softening. He leaned on the door jam.

“I just talked to Finn. He said you had Poe come to the game on Saturday?”

“Oh that.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I mean, he wasn’t doing anything and I couldn’t go myself so.”

She smiled a little. “Thanks. That’s really nice actually.”

“Good. I mean, I told you that I’d try to get more people to go. It’s a fun time.”

“They can even come drunk. It’s actually expected.”

Ben laughed lightly. “Yeah, there’s also that.”

A beat, in which Rey wanted to ask if something was wrong. But Kaydel’s words nagged at the back of her head. What if she really  _ was _ just making all this up. “I’m going to try to finish a paper tonight, if you’ll be free?”

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll be in my room all night. Except now. I was about to go grab some food. Early dinner.”

Rey nodded and her lips parted, a breath passing through them as she tried once again to come up with something to say.

“Do you...want to come with me?” Ben offered. 

She blinked. She could eat. She could  _ always _ eat. “Um…sure! Let me grab my wallet.” She scurried back to her room, grabbed her student ID card, shoved it into her jeans pockets and locked the door behind her. Ben was waiting by the stairs already. 

They spent the short walk to the centrally located dining hall talking about hockey. She told him about the weekend. How they lost on Friday, but won on Saturday. She got really into it and was explaining some plays even after they’d filled trays and sat down. She barely stopped talking as she ate.

She was fully aware that she ate like an animal, but it was how she’d always eaten and college hadn’t stopped that. Not even sitting across from cute boys changed that. “Do you have any plans this weekend?” she asked after swallowing another forkful of cheesy pasta.

“There’s the dance on Thursday night,” he said.

“Oh right. I saw your poster about that,” she said. Which she had. It was creative, layered paper and using negative space and actual depth to create an image. 

“Yeah so...that. And it’s my weekend off so I was going to go to your game.”

_ Your _ . The word made her stomach fill with butterflies. Which she told herself was stupid because he was  _ talking _ to her, of course it was  _ her _ game. “Well lucky for you, we’re playing Friday  _ and _ Saturday here. You could come to both if you’d like.”

“Are you playing different teams?”

She shook her head. “Same team. We typically play against the same team over one weekend.”

“I’ll see what I can do. There’s some play rehearsals I told Poe and Tai I’d go to.”

She didn’t know who Tai was, but she nodded anyway. “You don’t have to come to every game. I know you have like a whole life here on campus already. You don’t need some freshmen dropping in and shaking everything up.” She shoved food into her mouth with a little less vigor, her stomach both light and tense at the same time.

“I like it,” Ben said, sitting back. His plate was clear except the squishy roll he held between his fingers. His gaze settled on it for a long moment before they flicked to her face. He sat forward, readying himself to speak with purpose. “Rey, listen, I--”

A high pitched squeal interrupted the low din of the dining hall. Rey flinched. “That’d be Kaydel,” she muttered, turning to see her roommate rushing over to them, trayless. 

“Hi Ben,” Kaydel said, smiling a bit too wide. She loudly dragged a chair from a nearby table so she could sit at the end of theirs, between the two of them. “I was looking for you,” she directed at Rey.

“Well you found me,” Rey said, trying desperately to not let her mind go into overdrive at whatever it was Ben was about to say. It looked  _ important _ .

“I did.” She pulled out her phone and laid it on the table. “How did your meeting with Coach go?”

Rey glanced over at Ben, who gave her a smile, small and toothless. “I’m gonna head back. Got some of my own work to do. Come by later and I’ll help with your paper, okay?” He stood as he spoke, grabbing his tray.

Rey leaned forward, perching on the edge of her seat. “Okay.” She mouthed a “Sorry” as he left.

“Kaydel, Kaydel,  _ Kay _ ,” she said as Kaydel went on and on. 

“What?”

Rey was about to yell at her, to be mad, but she just shook her head and flopped back in the seat. “Nothing. Are you going to eat while we’re here or?”

“Oh, duh!” she left her bag and phone and everything on the seat and went to grab her food.

Rey bit her bottom lip, resisting the urge to drag out her own phone and text Ben. Instead, she craned her head, trying to figure out which side of the building they were on. She looked outside and spotted him walking back to the dorm, not even having to jog to cross the road quickly on his long ass legs. She watched him forlornly before being snapped back to reality as Kaydel returned.


	5. Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaydel asks Rey to go with her to the LGBTQ dance and of course Ben is there and their friend groups collide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like 100% of the description for this setting came from my time at college. :') 
> 
> The nostalgia.
> 
> Keep up with the thread [here](https://twitter.com/hunkbuster/status/1234878392182484994).

The student hall had a large open ballroom space, currently transformed into a dim dancefloor. Half of the room was walled off, hiding mountains of equipment and chairs used for other types of events in the room. There was a small stage where a DJ stood, a couple borrowed lights from the theater department sending multicolored shapes and designs across the ceiling and dancing throng.

There were streamers down the hall, a handwritten  _ GENDER NEUTRAL  _ sign over the usual women’s bathroom sign, and a number of pride flags hanging from the ceiling both in the hall and in the ballroom area.

Kaydel’s arm was linked through Rey’s. She was wearing combat boots, lace tights, a denim skirt, and a corset like bodice in black, her hair frizzed and done up with a headband. Rey had opted for a simple black slip dress and wedges because it was the only thing she really had besides her more formal wear for press junkets. Kaydel had curled her hair.

Kaydel was walking so fast she almost pulled Rey’s arm out of her socket. They raced down the hall, which was filled with duos and groups, quietly chatting and laughing. Inside the door to the ballroom, it took a second for their eyes to adjust. There were a few tables in the back where there were alcohol-free drinks. There was no real dancefloor area, but almost everyone was dancing in a big formless blob.

Rey couldn’t help but grin as she spotted other people she knew. There was Rose, the team captain, and her sister, Paige, Rey’s fellow defensewoman. Korrie was on the team as well, here with her pink haired girlfriend who wasn’t. She spotted Poe and Finn from the dorm as well. She waved at them as she chatted with her teammates.

And then  _ Like a Prayer _ came on and she was dragged into the crowd. Dancing was something Rey could do, no matter what the song, and whoever she was with. She’d never danced in a squished line of girls with their soft curves and delicate hands. She didn’t hate it, laughing as the song went slow and they all waved their hands and fingers dramatically at each other before coming together again.

By the time the song was over, she was already feeling sweaty and breathless. Her body flooded with serotonin, happy and light. She stumbled over to the drinks table to pour some soda for herself, though she made a face at the thick syrupy taste.

“You made it.” 

She turned at the voice and found Ben standing there. He was wearing something not black for once: a blue button down that looked like fake denim. 

“Hey,” she called over the music, smiling wide. “Are you here because you helped set this up or are you..” she paused, not wanting to use the wrong wording. 

“I’m the B,” Ben replied with a small smile of understanding. 

Rey frowned a little, her mind going  _ duh your name is Ben _ before it clicked. “Oh! Okay. Cool. I guess I’m just an ally then? I’m here because Kaydel didn’t want to come alone.”

Ben nodded toward the group of hockey girls dancing. “Doesn’t look like she’s so alone.”

“No, I guess not.” She couldn’t keep the smile on her face. She loved her teammates, but this was the first time since she was on campus that she felt truly like she belonged somewhere. Something about this whole thing just felt so safe and welcoming.

Before she could ask  _ did you come alone _ ? someone walked up that she didn't know. Nearly as tall as Ben, she wondered if his bald head was a fashion choice or something else. Either way, the lights shined off of it and she felt momentarily bad for thinking that. He slung an arm around Ben’s shoulders.

“Helloooo,” he said exaggeratedly toward Rey and extended his hand. “I’m Tai.”

So now she had a face to put with the name. “Rey,” she replied, shaking his hand weakly. “I um…”

She was about to say  _ I live with Ben _ and was so thankful when Tai bulldozed over her. “Oh okay. Yeah Ben’s mentioned you.”

He had? Rey quirked an eyebrow at Ben who had his face buried in a drink cup. 

“Would you like to dance?” Tai pulled his arm from around Ben’s shoulders and held it out for Rey.

“Um…” she glanced over at the hockey girls as they danced to another 80s bop. Before she had a chance to say no, Poe Dameron bounded out of the crowd and grabbed her hand. Between the two of them, she was on the dancefloor again, dancing with people she barely knew, including an incredibly tall and beautiful blonde woman.

Sometime during the night she’d introduced the hockey girls more officially to Poe and Finn and soon the whole lot of them were dancing somewhat together. Tai even got Ben onto the dancefloor, though he looked like he’d rather be anywhere else. During a slow moment, Rey had reached out and squeezed his hand. She didn’t really think about it, she just did it.

His fingers curled against hers, trying to hold on longer, but she was tugged away from Rose, who used her to hide herself from Poe, who had decided to give everyone lapdances.

And he was determined to give one to everyone who looked even remotely like he’d been introduced to. It made for a riotous time that ate up a lot of the evening. Eventually more people crowded into the room and Rey and Ben’s collective group was pushed toward the wall of windows. It was cooler over there at least. Rey, Korrie and Rose went to get as many drinks as they could carry.

Her eyes kept being drawn to Ben, which wasn’t difficult considering the amount of space he took up, but also because...she wanted to be looking at him. And he seemed to almost always be looking at her too.

So maybe all this shit  _ wasn’t _ just in her head.


	6. Paths Cross

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey sets out to ask Ben out but something else happens instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's a number of content warnings for this part which I tagged so people are prepared if they do or don't want to read this. 
> 
> CW/TW: self harm, blood, overdose mentions, drug mentions (to be safe)
> 
> Some heavy stuff but it was necessary for the emotional weight of the story. 
> 
> Be sure to keep up to date with this on [my twitter](https://twitter.com/hunkbuster/status/1234878392182484994)!

Rey had a plan. It was simple, but it was a plan at the least. It was more than what she’d had before she texted Kay and that was something at least. She just got back from her afternoon class and quickly swung by her room to deposit her backpack, sort through her textbooks and check her email. She had to be ready for the game at 6 latest, but that still left her a couple hours to use as she wanted.

She didn’t change her clothes, leaving her in her most comfortable high waisted jeans, white t-shirt and long knitted cardigan. She probably looked like a middle aged mom, but she didn’t really care. She’d quickly come to realize that no one cared what you dressed like in college. Girls wore the same leggings and hoodies and brown boots for 98% of the year and no one batted an eye.

After making sure her ID and room key were in her pockets, she pulled the door shut behind her. Most of the doors down the hallway were closed. People were either away or studying quietly or napping, leaving the dorm hall rather quiet.

She walked the few doors down to Ben’s room. There were numerous notes scribbled on the whiteboard on his door, but she resisted the urge to read them too closely. She lifted her hand to knock when she heard something from the other side of the door. Pausing, she tilted her head toward the door to listen.

It was hard to tell exactly what it was, but it didn’t sound  _ good _ . She easily crossed off the first four or five things that it could be--Kaydel’s voice clear in her mind--and the list got steadily worse as it went on.

Her mind settling from determination to concern, she eventually did knock lightly, saying his name and trying the door handle. It was unlocked and swung inward.

“Ben?” she said again, poking her head inside.

He stood in the middle of the room, back to the door. He was trembling but trying very hard not to, all of his muscles tensing when he heard Rey’s voice. Under any other circumstance, he would be pleased to see her, but right now he wanted anything but to face her.

He clutched his arm to his chest, hand shaking as rockets of pain jolted from his fingers to elbow. He clenched his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut, and mentally kicked himself. The only good thing about this situation was that he’d gone with his left hand instead of his right. He needed to be able to write and he could deal with a fucked up left hand if he needed to. 

“Are you okay?” Rey asked from behind him. She’d taken a step or two into his room. 

“Um, yeah,” he lied. This was definitely one of those moments he wished he had a reverse remote for. Just go back two minutes. Stop himself. Or if anything, make sure he punched the desk or his bedframe, something wooden and more malleable than a fucking concrete block wall.

He wished she would just leave so he could let out the breath caught in his chest.

“Really?” she said. “Because you’re bleeding.”

“Shit.” His eyes flew open and sure enough the blood pounding through his arm had made its way to the broken skin over his knuckles and they were pumping out crimson like a faucet.

Behind him, Rey snatched a neatly folded black t-shirt from the canvas hanging shelves in the small closet alcove by the door and walked over to him. His already tensed muscles grew even more rigid when she came around to his front. She said nothing, though a tiny frown folded the skin between her eyes as she took his arm away from his body and wrapped the shirt around his knuckles, avoiding the droplets of blood on the floor.

She stretched out his fingers and he hissed. “Okay, so worse case scenario, you could have broken your hand,” she said, glancing up at him. He wondered what she saw in his face but then didn’t want to think about it.

She mostly saw confusion and hurt. Rey gently turned him around, moving him easily despite his size. He wasn’t fighting. “We should get that checked.”

“I’ll be fine,” he insisted, his go-to response to everything bubbling up and coming out without him even thinking.

“If you think I’m letting you sit here without going to the Health Center, you’re mistaken.” She pushed him into the hall. He had gone back to clutching his arm to his chest, as if it would stop the pain from radiating any further. She held out a hand and he stared at her outstretched palm before he fumbled around in his pocket for his room key. She locked his door and walked beside him toward the stairs.

She didn’t ask why, even though the question was heavy on her mind. He followed, her shoulder bumping his side whenever they took a step. His entire body felt like it was tingling, distributing the shock. Luckily their dorm was nearest to the short brick health building and they were still open for a few more hours. Maybe they’d send him away to the nearby hospital, but at least he’d get the medical attention he needed.

Rey wanted to hold onto him, to make sure he kept walking by her, but he followed almost obediently. He didn’t say anything and she didn’t want to say anything that would make this worse so she was quiet too. She walked to the receptionist and he hovered behind, not paying attention.

“What can I do for you?” the woman asked, sounding tired but kind.

“Um…” Rey glanced behind her but Ben didn’t seem to be in the mood to offer up any information. The woman’s eyes followed hers, seeing the bulky shirt wrapped around his hand. Rey turned back to her. “He hurt his hand.”

“Okay. Name?”

Rey almost answered with her own, before realizing she was answering for him. “Ben Solo.”

The woman’s hand stopped, hovering where she was reaching for a clipboard with paperwork on it. “Okay. Just have him fill this out.” She grabbed the board and shoved it at Rey. Rey took it and went to sit. Ben sat next to her. The woman behind the counter disappeared.

Rey stared at the paper and all the personal information that would need to be filled in. “Ben,” she said softly. Her voice caught his attention and his eyes focused on the paper.

“Oh uh...I can...probably not write very well right now.”

She nodded, putting pen to paper and writing his name, because at least she knew that. She asked for his student ID number, which he rattled off. “Birthday?” she asked.

“November second, ‘98.”

She wrote it and then frowned. “That’s today.” Frown deepening, she looked over at him. “It’s your birthday?”

Before he could answer, a white haired doctor in a white coat came out from the back. Not a nurse. A doctor. If Rey thought that was weird, she didn’t say anything. They hadn’t really filled out the paperwork fully, but Rey walked to the desk to give it to the receptionist, who took it without question.

“Benjamin,” the doctor said like they were old friends. He put his hand gently on Ben’s upper arm. “Your girlfriend can come in too.” He motioned toward Rey.

“She’s not--” “I’m not--”

The doctor didn’t seem to hear them. Rey trailed behind them but she didn’t follow them into the room. She sat on the bench outside. The door didn’t close fully and she only caught snatches of their conversation.

“It’s been a while since you’ve been here.”

“Let’s see what we have.”

“Deep bone contusion. Not broken luckily. If it was your right hand it would have been worse.”

“Better than the last time you were here, eh?” (It was. The last time Ben was here he had been getting his stomach pumped and then loaded into an ambulance to the hospital.)

“Keep the ice on it until it melts. I’ll give you extras to put in your fridge.” The words became clearer now as the door was pulled open. Rey stood up, hands tingling from wringing them so much while she waited.

“Keep it wrapped up for two weeks. I got you a pain med prescription for the next week. It should be ready for you at the CVS downtown.” The doctor turned to Rey and gave her a professional smile. “Get some food in him and make sure he keeps his hand wrapped up.”

As if she really was his girlfriend. She nodded anyway and the doctor guided Ben toward the receptionist again. They got Ben signed out and the prescription sent in. 

The air outside was cold and felt nice. Rey hadn’t realized how nervous she was until she felt the cool air on her flushed skin. Ben’s hand and wrist were wrapped up and over his knuckles was a small instant ice-pack that was kept in place under the wrapping. He had a small bag of other ice packs and other bandage wrappings to use.

“Are you okay?” she asked because it was all she thought to ask.

“Um...I’m better,” he said truthfully. “I’ll just drive to CVS then spend the night in.”

Rey tried not to be hurt by the way he was dismissing her involvement. It wasn’t like she was  _ actually _ his girlfriend. Were they even friends? She didn’t know. But something she did know was injuries. “No,” she said.

“What?” He stopped walking.

She kept walking and he easily closed the gap between them. “You can’t drive right now.” He started to protest but she pressed on. “Can you even feel your hand?”

Not really. Everything had gone kind of numb. And he felt drained, his body’s natural defenses to trauma already flushing out of his system. 

“Exactly. I can drive. I think,” she muttered under her breath. “I can drive you and then you can do away with me if you want.” She walked forward, knowing what his car looked like.

Her words jogged Ben’s mental process. He started focusing on the present and he wanted to protest, saying he didn’t want to  _ do away _ with her, but he also didn’t want her to see him like this. But she already was seeing him like this so really he was just being stupid trying to push her away.

“Thank you,” is all he said, handing her his keys again. He watched her struggle with the passenger door and while his hands were still shaking, he helped with his uninjured hand. It was weird to sit on this side of his car. 

She got in and spent a good five minutes having to readjust his seat and mirrors. She technically didn’t have her license but she’d driven cars before. Granted everything here was backwards, but it was only a two minute drive. She could do this. It helped that it was an automatic.

“Thank you,” Ben said again as she somehow managed to back up and get going without any furious jerking showing her inexperience. This time with more force behind it. “I don’t know what I would have…”

“You would have holed up in your room and tried to handle it yourself,” Rey said, gripping the wheel, not taking her eyes off the road. “I could tell by the look on your face.”

She was right. “How do you...you weren’t freaked out by…”

“I…” She frowned as she pulled onto the main road. “I spent a lot of my life in hospitals and clinics. I’ve dealt with a lot of injuries. Hell, just this summer during training camp I sliced my leg open with a skate. There was way more blood than  _ that _ .”

The road to town was two lanes and she could go slow. She did.

“Jeez,” Ben muttered.

She flashed him a smile that hopefully told him it was fine. “I got in a lot of fights growing up. I think I’ve broken more bones than...most people.”

“That isn’t really helping.”

“Shit, sorry.” She focused on the road. “So this may be a bad time to tell you I’ve not driven in the US before…”

“You’re doing good enough so far.”

The CVS was just up on the right. She had to drive between it and another building, barely big enough for the car, to get to the parking lot in the back. “Look,” she exclaimed once the car was parked. “We made it.”

He smiled weakly at her and followed her inside once she struggled to open the passenger door from the outside. Ben walked over to the prescription counter and Rey moseyed her way through the aisles, trying to decide if she needed to buy anything. She had a small stipend, but it wasn’t a lot.

Ben came up behind her. “They said they need a bit more time.”

Rey turned away from the shampoo she was examining and checked her phone. “Okay. I’ve got some time before I have to get to the rink for the game.”

“Fuck,” Ben cursed under his breath. “Rey, if you need to go.”

“No, nope. I’m good. Plenty of time. Let’s um...go get some food and then come back.” She took his uninjured hand, working his fingers loose from a fist and lacing hers between them, tugging him out the other doors to the street. There was a cafe next to the CVS and they went inside.

She ordered a breakfast sandwich and a latte and Ben got a lunch sandwich and a bottle of water. Once they were sitting at a small table in the corner, Rey decided there was nothing else really to talk about.

“So do you just really hate your birthday, or?” She glanced down, where his injured hand was resting in his lap--not that she could see that through the tabletop--then up to his face. 

“Short answer, yes.” He took a bite of food to let himself think. “Long answer is I don’t hate my birthday but I hate how it makes me think of shit I thought I was over. From my past.”

Rey nodded, eating her own food as monstrously as usual, though it also gave her time to process and to think before she spoke. “I’m sorry you have things in your past that make you want to hurt yourself. I’m much more likely to break  _ other _ things when I get upset.”

“I turn everything inward,” he said, finding it surprisingly easy to talk about. Maybe it was because he was so exhausted, maybe it was because it was  _ her _ in particular. They barely knew each other but he desperately wanted to know her more. Which in itself was a scary thought for him. “Self deprecation is my specialty.”

Rey frowned, her nose scrunching up. She looked up and met his gaze, her eyes clear and intense whereas his were dark and heavy. “I wish it wasn’t. You just...you don’t seem…”

“You would have hated me a year ago.”

She raised her eyebrows, unsure of what to say.

“Things got exceptionally bad. All of me you’ve seen has been...a lot of work.”

“It’s been nice,” she said, leaning forward, arms crossed against the table. “ _ You're  _ nice. I don’t know anyone else who would have come to get me from a party I stupidly went to. But um...I know what it’s like to have to check yourself. To make sure you’re showing people the parts of you you want them to see.”

“And hiding all the shit you don’t,” he finished for her.

She nodded and tried to look at her phone without being obvious. It broke whatever quiet spell had fallen over the table.

“Shit, you need to get back, don’t you?” He stood, gathering up what he could with one hand.

“Kinda.” She helped him and tossed napkins in the trash and put the plates on top of the trash bin. They walked back to the CVS and Ben rushed to the back corner to get his pain medication. Rey ducked into a random aisle and pulled out her phone to text Rose that she was off campus but would be back soon since Kaydel had already sent a bunch of texts asking where she was with exceedingly more and more exclamation points in each subsequent text. 

“Ready?” Ben’s voice startled her away from her phone and she glanced up to find herself standing in front of a wall of condoms. She blushed instantly and started walking toward the back doors.

Clouds had covered the sky while they were inside, throwing the world into a premature night. “I’m um, I’m sorry that this day has been shitty for you,” she said, trying to fill the space. “And I get that’s probably not much coming from me since we don’t know each other that well but I do...I do care what happens to you.” The words sent her insides into a panic and she gulped down air to try to steady herself. “I may have seemed calm but when I saw the blood in your room I...I thought it was something worse and I was scared.” She hadn’t looked at him this whole time and was now attempting to get his side door open. 

It was ridiculous the amount of struggle it took to get into his car and it was a perfect problem to focus her attention because all the stuff she said was making her all hot and itchy, frustrated with herself for saying it and being too scared to look at him when she was. She jumped when he reached down to help and she dropped the keys.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered out as he crouched down to pick them up. “I probably shouldn’t have said all of that. I’m sorry.” If she could have disappeared in that moment she would have. Unfortunately superpowers were not real and she had to stand there, hearing her words and wanting to die because who just comes out and says shit like that?

Ben, still crouched at her feet, was trying very hard not to lose it. He could feel the tension and bubble in his chest, the sting in his eyes. He couldn’t stand up, preferring to be folded up, small and safe until he could get ahold of himself. He probably should have said something,  _ be _ saying something, but he couldn’t open his mouth. 

Her words hit deep and probably meant more to him than she’d ever realize. 

“B-Ben?” Rey whispered. She had probably said too much but it wasn’t like she could just  _ leave _ she had to drive him back and--

He grabbed her. Not hard, but he put his arm around her hips and his face buried into her abdomen, hand gripping her hip and holding on like he was drowning and she was the only thing keeping him above water.

He shook a little, succeeding in not full out sobbing, but tears still soaked into her t-shirt.

Rey had no idea what to do, but she managed to not overthink anything, merely staying still and running her hands gently through his hair. Her phone buzzed in her pocket but she ignored it. 

Eventually,  _ slowly _ , Ben released his hold on her, but he still didn’t want to go. She was soft and warm and her touch soothed him. He felt like he could have fallen asleep right there in the parking lot with her fingers in his hair. “Fuck,” he muttered, wiping his face with his uninjured hand. “I’m sorry. I…” He took in a few shaky breaths, swiped down to grab the keys and stuck them in the door, all without looking at her.

Rey stood there, a little sad, a little scared, a little humbled, and for the first time that afternoon, had nothing to say, nonsense or otherwise. He had to turn to her to give her the keys and she took them. She hastily shoved them into her cardigan pocket before reaching out to grab his good wrist before he got into the car. 

Ben turned at her delicate touch, a different sort of ache in his chest at the look in her hazel eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but thought better of it. Instead, he watched her like she was something new, like he was unsure, because she was and he was.

Rey pushed aside anyone’s little voice in her head, telling her how she should be, what she should do, and just did what felt right. She took his face in her hands, the dampness of skin under her thumbs, lightly swiping under his eyes, across his cheeks. Her eyes asked permission and he gave it.

She pushed herself to her toes, eyes closing and kissed him, a feather light touch. Brief and soft, but it spoke volumes. Rey fell back on her heels, eyes full of emotion: a messy cocktail that she hadn’t the time to try to figure out before the game tonight.

“Shit, the game!” she exclaimed which was not exactly the most romantic thing to blurt out after kissing someone but she was just continuing her trend of not being good with words. Ben shared her sentiment, though he didn’t offer to drive to make it faster. She hurried around to the driver’s side and followed Ben’s directions to get back to the main road from the parking lot.

She asked Ben to check her phone as she drove and he paraphrased some of Rose’s less friendly texts. He tried to peck out a response with only half his digits and hands too large for her old tiny iPhone but barely got a few words down before she parked with a jolt in front of Jakku.

Rey grabbed the phone and finished the text, sending it off and unbuckling her belt. “I’m sorry I have to go,” she said, eyes wide.

“Go, go, it’s okay,” he assured her. She left him his keys and ran into the building. He followed slowly, meeting her in the hall as she was leaving, huge duffle over her shoulder. “Good luck tonight.”

“Thank you,” Rey said automatically, locking the door behind her. “And you...stay and rest. Okay? Can I stop by once I’m back and see how you’re doing?” She was too frantic for her mind to linger on the tears, the kiss, and everything else. After the game she’d probably be a mess, but right now she needed to be focused on one thing and not another.

“You know where to find me.” Ben smiled at her weakly and she darted away, cursing as she stumbled down the stairway, the sound echoing into the hall before the stairway door closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! And thank you Marriage Story for the tiny nugget of inspo for this scene.


	7. Kissin' Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An interlude from Rey and Ben for a little bit of Rey and Kaydel's friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um yep. Dunno why I wrote this part, I just did. -hides-
> 
> Started out mostly to use just the last few lines of dialogue + cement the fact that Rey hates doing things wrong on the first try because of _failure_ but then it got funky lol

Kay arrived not long after, with some food from the continental breakfast. Eggs, bacon, bagel with cream cheese. Rey was ravenous and dug in.

“So, you really kissed him first?”

“It wasn’t like it was a prime moment for a makeout session. It was in the CVS parking lot.”

“How romantic,” Kay snickered, shoving bacon into her mouth.

“It’s college, what do you expect?” Rey retorted.

Kaydel shrugged a shoulder. “So are you texting him now?” Her eyes shot to the phone at Rey’s side.

“ _ Yes _ ,” Rey said slowly. 

“No judgement, this is big news,” Kay said, holding up her hands in defense. “Are you nervous about anything?”

“Besides everything?” Rey popped the rest of her bagel in her mouth and picked up her phone to send a reply to Ben.

“Aww, but Ben’s such a nice guy. You’ll be fine.” They were sitting on one of the two beds in the room. Kaydel leaned forward and squeezed Rey’s knee.

“That still doesn’t change the fact that he’s a full three years older than me. And that probably means he’s y’know, been in relationships before.”

“You haven’t?”

“No.” Rey dropped her phone and covered her face with her hands. “I mean I’ve kissed a few blokes before but that was all. Nothing major, nothing serious.”

Kaydel laughed a little. Rey glared. “Sorry, you just get really cute and British when you’re nervous. What are you exactly scared of?”

Before she said  _ everything _ again, she really thought about it. She could deal with the talking part. Sharing stuff, being open. It was easy enough to spill her guts to him. At least that was one thing she found out yesterday. 

“I’ve never…” she swallowed. She had nothing to fear from Kaydel. They were  _ friends _ . “I’ve never done anything y’know, below the belt before.”

“Tell me you at least masturbate so you know what feels good,” Kay said bluntly.

Rey flushed. “I guess. A little. I don’t have a lot of chances to.”

“Noted.” She pretended to write a note on her hand. “Be out of dorm room more so Rey can wank off. Is that the right wording?” Rey snorted out a laugh and threw a pillow at Kay’s face, who batted it aside. “Okay. Anything else?”

“Kissing.”

Kaydel sighed. “You really meant everything.”

“French kissing,” Rey specified. “I mean what am I supposed to do with my tongue?”

Kaydel grinned; a little like the smiling devil emoji. Rey felt a flip of irrational fear in her belly. “Have you ever seen  _ Cruel Intentions _ ?”

“No.”

“Damn, that would have made this more fun. Okay. I can teach you.”

“Teach me?” Rey squeaked.

“Teach you how to French kiss. It’s fun.”

“Like...you’re gonna kiss me?”

“Only if you want.”

“I’d rather not make a fool of myself with Ben,” Rey said slowly.

“It’ll be quick, promise.”

“And it won’t be weird?”

“Only if you keep asking questions.” Kaydel got to her knees and settled back on her heels. Rey turned on the bed so they were facing each other. “Good thing we both ate the same breakfast.”

Rey put her hands in her lap. “So explain it to me.”

Kaydel cleared her throat. “Okay. So don’t like...open your whole mouth. You don’t need to do that. At least not until you guys are uh...banging.” Rey glared at her. “Just a little bit, just enough to get your tongue through. You can do like normal kissing, mouths parted with some space between you and meet in the middle.”

“But what do you  _ do _ ?”

“You just sort of, press your tongues together. Don’t be gross about it. Tonsil hockey is not an accurate descriptor.”

Rey frowned but motioned for Kaydel to continue.

“And things can get messy, but don’t try to do too much at once at first. Save that for once you’re...like I said, having sex or you’ve been together for a while.”

“Why do you sound like you’ve explained this before? You’re so serious about it.”

“I’m a mathematician, Rey, as crazy as I may be, logic and clarity is my one true love.”

“Okay valid.”

“I mean you just sort of introduce your tongue to his mouth and do what feels right. Follow what he does. It makes it actually easier sometimes to be with someone who’s experienced. ”

“You make it sound like I’ll just  _ know _ but I’m still unconvinced.”

“You can always  _ talk to Ben _ and see what he likes. Everyone is different. Romance books sometimes use phrases like  _ massage his tongue with mine _ when they’re doing French kissing. Do with that what you will.”

“Sure, okay,” Rey snorted.

“Do you want to try?”

Rey bit her bottom lip.

“You don’t  _ have _ to.”

“No. I don’t want to feel underprepared. I always don’t know enough.” Rey shook her head and pushed sleep-tangled hair from her face.

“Okay. So contact is important of course.” Kaydel rested her hand on Rey’s knee. “Lean in and just y’know, go for a normal kiss.”

Rey’s heart was surprisingly steady. She leaned and closed her eyes so she could pretend and focus. Her lips touched Kaydel’s, pressing against them, pulling back. Kaydel kissed her again and opened her mouth just a little. Rey followed suit and slid her tongue over her bottom lip, caught by Kay’s lips. Then one more, lighter kiss, both of the girls tongues meeting between their parted lips.

Kay sat back then. “So, how was that? Feel any feelings?”

Rey opened her eyes and shook her head. “No, sorry.”

“Shucks. It’s fine. I’m kind of...I think I’m into Rose,” Kaydel said, glancing at the hotel door as if she expected their captain to come bursting in.

Rey’s eyes widened. “Rose Tico? Seriously?”

“Ever since that damned dance.” Kaydel flopped back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling like it held the answers of the universe.

“That was a nice night,” Rey said. She wiped her mouth and reached for her phone, her stomach flipping just by seeing Ben’s name on the lockscreen. “And uh...thank you, I guess?”

Kaydel turned enough for Rey to see her and winked. “It’ll be our little secret. But honestly, you were fine. Most dudes are really aggressive when they get into Frenching but he’s bi so.” 

“How do you know?”

“I saw his pin. On his bag. Us gays have a secret language entirely encompassing tiny flag pins in strategic places.”

Rey chuckled because it was the least crazy thing she’d ever heard her roommate and teammate and friend say.


	8. Labels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey meet up after the whirlwind of November 2nd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand relationship beginnings begin. They're always my favorite part to write in a fic.
> 
> Keep up with updates [the twitter thread](https://twitter.com/hunkbuster/status/1234878392182484994)!

Ben’s door was already propped open when she got there. She knocked anyway as she pushed it open. Ben was leaning back against his bed in sweatpants and a henley. Rey had made a little effort, putting on trousers and a clean t-shirt and pulling on her thick denim coat. She even brushed her hair and tied part of it back.

“I can’t really uh...button my pants so I think I’ll be wearing sweats for another week or two,” Ben said, following her train of thought.

“It’s college,” Rey said, walking over to him, “no one cares. Plus it’s Sunday. Everyone is gonna be asleep or hungover.”

“Very true,” he said, his voice soft as she stopped in front of him. 

She tilted her head back and looked him in the eyes. They were lighter, brighter today. “Hi,” she said, suddenly flooded with nerves. They were mostly welcome though because it just meant her feelings were  _ real _ .

“Hi,” Ben grinned down at her, showing his imperfect teeth and a dimple that carved into one cheek. He’d also shaved recently, any scruff gone, his skin looking soft to the touch.

Rey lifted her hand to do just that, brushing the back of her knuckles across his jaw. She wanted to say a million embarrassing things, but she couldn’t settle on just one. Instead, she stepped closer, nearly nestling between his legs. Ben lifted his one good hand and took her chin in his hand. 

He leaned down and she was a little too enthusiastic, nearly banging her forehead into his nose but narrowing missing and catching herself. His lips pressed to hers with a surety that their brief kiss days before hadn’t had. His hand curled around her neck and she leaned against his chest.

Rey sighed into the kiss, lost in the softness of Ben’s lips, the way her body seemed to spark where they touched. And it was a  _ nice _ kiss. It had been a while since Ben felt so comfortable kissing someone.

As Ben broke off, Rey felt something coil in her stomach, in her brain, something hungry and needing and wanting, which surprised her. She opened her eyes and found Ben there, looking soft and sleepy and very much like a person she wanted to date.

“We have so much to talk about,” she said, which she hoped didn’t sound too serious.

But he didn’t take it that way. He chuckled and nodded, twisting around to grab something off the bed behind him. That’s when Rey remembered that she was here for a reason. She stepped back, noticing then that his left hand was bandageless.

“It’s easier to take off than it is to put on,” Ben said with a shrug. 

She gently took his hand in hers. There was a lot of bruising still, going all the way down to his wrist where the trauma had spread. The thin skin over his knuckles was barely there, bright pink with fresh blood rushing to the surface. “I don’t even know where to start,” she said softly as she began wrapping. It was obvious that she had practice and her insecurity wasn’t about the bandaging.

“We can start small,” Ben replied. “We can...define things.”

“Mmmm.” The tip of Rey’s tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth as she concentrated. Ben tucked a bit of stray hair behind her ear as she worked.

“I uh...I know you’re super busy with starting college and hockey.”

“I am. And I um...I don’t know how to fit in anything else.” Her eyes lifted from his hand to his face. “But I want to try.”

“Okay. It helps that we live in the same place. Makes it easier to have a few fleeting moments here and there.”

“Yes, that does make it easier.” She tugged firmly and wrapped around his fingers and palm. Rey had a strong body, and her hands were powerful, but even they felt dwarfed by his large hands. “I do like kissing you.”

“I like kissing you, too.”

“And I feel like I can tell you things and you won’t judge me.” She finished and met his gaze again. Without really saying much, they left his room together and headed toward the dining hall.

“I went to my therapist yesterday,” Ben said. “I have one. He’s a psych professor. He worked with me at the end of last year when I was...trying to get my shit together.” Rey wanted to ask, and he could tell. “Another story for another time. It’s not really a good morning conversation.”

“Did he help?”

“Yeah. He knows my history so it wasn’t like I had to rehash everything. In hindsight punching a wall was really fucking stupid, but maybe next time I can stop myself.”

Rey grabbed his good hand and squeezed. “I hope so. And maybe you can talk to me about it too. I mean, once we...do whatever we’re gonna do.”

“Yeah. I think I’d like that.”

They gathered up food on trays. The dining hall was pretty ghostly so they had their pick of tables.

“I’ve never been in a relationship before,” Rey blurted out once they’d sat down.

Ben’s fork clinked against the plate. “Oh, okay.”

“My life before now...well it didn’t really call for much of that.”

“Okay.”

“And I’m nervous about that, if you couldn’t tell.”

He half smiled, cutting through rubbery pancakes with his fork. “I can. And you don’t have to worry about anything. We can do whatever you want and talk about things.”

Rey chewed on some scrambled eggs. They’d spent time together before, but she still felt like she didn’t  _ really _ know Ben but she wanted to. She wanted to cram as much of it into the next half hour as she could but she didn’t want to come off as too abrasive. Which she was, but he didn’t need to know that right away. “Can we be dating?”

“Uh...sure.”

“I mean, is that what we’d call it?”

“If you want to label it, yeah.”

“I don’t want it to be...I don’t want…” she huffed, stabbing at her food. “It needs to be exclusive.”

“I’m okay with that too. I don’t really want something casual.”

“Good.” Chewing gave her a good excuse to think. To work through what she wanted to say and make sure she didn’t say it wrong. Like saying “I get jealous” and “I’m possessive” wasn’t really the best thing and it didn’t really convey the way her emotions tended to play out. 

“I know you’re busy, so we can just do stuff when you’re free,” Ben offered.

“But I know you’re also busy. You have to read five books a week. That’s like..crazy.”

“Four or five,” Ben shrugged. “I have to be in the dorm a lot, so I’m mostly there. If you don’t mind just hanging out...I can’t promise we can go out and do things all the time.”

“That’s okay. I mean, sometimes would be nice.” She drank a bit of orange juice. “I just want to spend time with you. To get to know you. And um...kiss you a bunch.”

He laughed. “Yeah, yeah, that sounds great. I concur.”

Rey grinned. “And we can text each other.”

“Yes we can.”

“I can send you my schedule if you want, so you know where I am. Not that you  _ need _ to know where I am at all times because I’m fairly certain that’s not the type of behavior I’d like to be involved with, but just so you can see when I’m free.” 

“Yeah, if you’d like. That way I don’t accidentally plan something when you’re busy.”

“Right.” More food, more juice. “I have this coming weekend off. Well, we have one game mid-day Sunday but I’m actually free on Friday and Saturday. If you wanted to do something…”

“Absolutely. The theater department is doing some rehearsals. I said I would go.”

“I’d love to go too. If I can.”

Ben’s face brightened. “Yeah, of course.”

“We can do homework together. And um...y’know just talk more.”

“I’d like that.”

So would she.

They finished eating and walked back to Jakku with hands held. They parted in front of Rey’s door with another soft kiss that left Rey wanting much, much more than that. But she forced herself to her room where Kaydel was eating cereal and sitting at her desk.

“Where’ve you been?”

“With Ben,” Rey said, trying not to sigh like she was some kind of rom-com character or something.

Kaydel wiggled her eyebrows. “And?”

“We discussed things. And we’re dating?”

Kaydel squealed. “Seriously? Just like that?”

Rey nodded. “Yeah. He knows it’s tough because I have hockey and my weekends are kind of always taken up by it but...yeah.” She was too happy to be stressed about it.


	9. Kissin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey finally, finally have an afternoon together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating jumps up for this one. It's just some intense making out but y'know ;)

By the time Ben knocked lightly on Rey’s door, Kaydel was back from classes. She eyed Rey as Rey stood and pulled the door open, revealing Ben, still wearing his jacket and bag from his walk. He hadn’t been able to wait any longer to see her.

“Hey,” he said with a smile.

“Hi.” She grinned right back. “So...homework?”

Ben glanced over her head at Kaydel, who leaned back in her desk chair and waved with her fingertips. “Right, homework.”

“I’ll bring some over,” Rey said, thankful he was playing along. Was he playing along? Were they really gonna be doing homework? She didn’t know how this worked.

“Okay. Just give me a few minutes.”

She nodded and turned back to the room. Kaydel watched her knowingly. “You guys are adorable.”

Rey ran a brush through her hair. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She changed out of her baggy sweatpants into leggings and exchanged her oversized t-shirt for a more tighter fitting one over a nice bralette.

“Uh huh. And that’s why you’re suddenly showing off all your  _ ass _ ets and you not-discretely started chewing mint gum like twenty minutes ago.”

Rey moved to her desk and grabbed the book she was almost done reading the chapter for. She also grabbed her laptop, closing it and pulling it to her chest. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she repeated.

Kaydel chuckled. “I’ll leave the door unlocked for you. Go get your man.” She gave Rey some peppy finger guns which made Rey laugh on her way out the door.

She bumped into Ben in the hall. “We have to stop meeting like this,” she said, noticing the toothbrush in his hand but saying nothing. 

“It’s not so bad,” he said, walking with her to his door. “What do you have there?”

“Last bit of reading for CE101 and I have to finish writing a paper for English.” She clutched both the book and her computer to her chest as he opened the door. The lamp on his desk was on rather than the harsh fluorescent. She’d been in his room before, of course. But she’d never looked around.

His bed was on the highest rung which was probably easy for him to get onto but she knew from her own experience that she’d need to get a running jump to get onto the thing. His desk was against the wall after his bed and on the left side of the room, where a second person's stuff usually would be, there was an honest-to-god bookshelf filled with novels and textbooks and messy piles of folders and paper next to the same wooden bureau that was in every dorm room. And also one of those big moon chairs that looked like she could just curl up in and fall asleep like a cat.

“You can put your stuff down wherever,” Ben said, breaking into her thoughts. The door shut with a little click behind her, cutting them off from the rest of the dorm.

So this was really gonna happen. Rey’s stomach was fluttering and she walked forward, putting her laptop on his desk and keeping the book in hand. “How was class? Classes?”

“Classes. And fine. Lots of talking.” He turned away from his dresser and set his attention on her. She looked...amazing. She always did, but who wasn’t a sucker for a nice pair of leggings? He started walking over to her as he spoke. “Analyzing scenes, meanings, word choice. Going over homework assignments.”

“Homework?” she repeated, slipping out of his direct line of sight. “Oh right,  _ homework _ .” Rather than potentially hurting herself trying to get onto the bed by jumping, she climbed up the wooden end with the slats that served for a poor ladder and sat, back against the wall, ankles crossed in front of her. She pulled open her book and started reading.

Ben watched her and nodded slowly.

“How many books do you have to read this weekend?” Rey asked, trying very hard not to smile, to keep her face neutral even if her entire self was screaming because she was on a boy’s bed. And not just anyone, but  _ Ben Solo _ . She honestly felt like she’d been transported back into her tweens, but maybe that’s because she’d never actually been able to feel these things or think about these things when she was younger. She’d had to take care of herself and focus on  _ surviving _ rather than crushes. 

“Oh just like fifty,” Ben said, grabbing his own book and hiking himself up on the bed, wary of his left hand. He sat next to Rey, feet hanging off the short edge of the mattress. “My professors are really working me to death.”

“Mmmhmmm,” Rey said, finding Ben’s hand easily, sliding her fingers between his against the mattress. “My professors have been um...nicer to me since I started getting better grades on my papers.”

They were both reading the same sentences over and over. Rey’s heart was beating faster and faster and she was about to break but Ben beat her to it. 

“Rey?”

“Yes?” She didn’t look up from her book.

“I really want to kiss you.”

“Yeah. Fuck homework.” Rey closed her book and put it to the side, turning toward him. His book was gone too, and his hands went to her face, leaning down to kiss her. He didn’t care that their noses squished together because she was, again, new at this. She just tilted her head and grabbed onto this shirt, shifting onto her knees to kiss him better. 

She’d been waiting for what felt like an eternity to kiss his perfect mouth and taste him and feel him touch her. Everything was new, and every touch excited her, making her butterflies grow and her stomach flip.

Ben ran his fingers down her spine, making her shiver and break off a kiss with a little gasp. He looked at her,  _ really really _ looked at her and saw a beautiful girl who inexplicably cared about him and wanted to be with him. Someone he’d fucking cried in front of and she was still here.

“I haven’t done...anything like this before,” Rey said, digging her hands into his hair.

“You’re um...you’re doing great,” Ben replied, settling his bad hand on her hip, his other resting against her neck. 

“You don’t have to just say that.”

“I’m not. Rey, you couldn’t do anything wrong.”

“Don’t challenge me,” Rey said, laughing a little nervously and kissing him again before she got too flustered to keep going. She tilted her head and tested the waters, wanting  _ more _ which he was more than willing to give.

Kaydel’s lessons came in handy and soon she was almost in his lap, hungrily  _ wanting _ . Ben wanted too. She could tell by the way he sometimes gripped her hip really hard, like he was refraining himself from... _ something _ . She didn’t want him to hold back.

“We should,” Ben said, breaking off a kiss, their panting breaths mingling, “probably talk.”

“Talking, sure,” Rey mumbled, snagging another kiss. 

“About um...you know things.” She was exploring his torso with her hands. 

“Like sex things?” she asked.

“No. Yes. Sure. Or...getting to know each other?”

“I think I’m getting to know you quite well right now.”

“I was thinking like uh...feelings and... _ fuck _ .”

She paused. “What?” Her eyes snapped to his face.

“This wall is very uncomfortable.”

That wasn’t what she was expecting. She sat back on her heels and laughed. “I’m sorry...I’m sorry.” She smothered her laugh with her hand.

“Do you mind if I…?”

She motioned for him to do whatever he wanted, which resulted in him pushing their books off the bed as he laid down. “Oh, that costs me money,” Rey said, instantly panicking and wondering if the spine was damaged or a page was ripped. She was going to try to sell it back…

Ben took one of her hands. “I’ll buy you another one,” he said. “C’m’ere.”

Oh right  _ Ben _ . Rey forgot about the book and turned back to him, comfortably laying back on his bed.  _ Oh _ . She blinked, taking a deep breath. That hungry part of her was awake and it must have shown on her face because Ben’s face shifted from lighter and playful to something deeper.

Turning off all parts of her brain except  _ Ben Ben Ben Ben _ , Rey slid on top of him, her knees on either side of his hips, holding herself above him with one arm. He watched her with a sort of reverence that should have been totally illegal or blasphemous or something.

She waited, eyes on his until he lifted his head and closed the space between them, kissing her full and hard. A noise of surprise escaped her throat as she kissed him back, fisting her hand in his shirt to balance herself. Ben lifted his good hand to her face, her neck, his skin warm and rough against the column of her throat. 

Rey curled around his torso, his injured hand able to do nothing more than to venture across her thighs, hips, pushing up the hem of her shirt and settling against red hot skin. She made a heavenly sound at the touch and Ben bent one of his legs up to bump against her bum to push her closer to him. Her hair fell into his face.

They kissed for what felt like years. With tongues and teeth lightly scraping against throats. They kissed until they could hardly feel their lips and could hardly hear anything but the rush of blood in their ears and their own heavy breathing.

Somehow clothes stayed on. They didn’t mind.

Rey’s legs and arms were strong and she could have stayed that way for many more hours. She wanted to. The animalistic part of her was sated. For now. Eventually though, she broke off a kiss and sat back quickly.

Ben groaned, his dick hard underneath her.

“Christ, oh god, I’m sorry.” She started to blush and attempt to get off of his lap.

“Stay,” Ben instructed when she had risen up on her knees. She did, closing her eyes to avoid her own embarrassment when he slid a hand between her legs, under the waistband of his pants and underwear and readjusted himself. He grabbed her hips after and pushed her down. 

If her face wasn’t already as red as a tomato, it would have been now. She could feel him through their clothes, reminding herself of her own arousal currently soaking her panties.

Already she could feel her ability to say the wrong thing at the wrong time bubbling up in her chest.

Ben ran his hands up her hips. “Do you want to take this off?” He tugged at her shirt.

Okay. That was safe, wasn’t it? She nodded and with slightly shaking hands, she pulled the shirt off and let it fall on the side of the bed. She had a small chest, but she never had a negative thought about her tits before. And she was very glad she’d bought this bralette thing that Kaydel semi-suggested buying last week. It was pink and lacey and made her feel like this was a place she  _ should _ be: in a boy’s bed, straddling him, his cock hard between their bodies.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Ben said, his hands running over her bare belly, one more ticklish than the other with the bandage still wrapped around. “But you’re fucking gorgeous, Rey.”

She tilted her head to the side. “How could I take that the wrong way?”

“Because...I’ve never said it before. I don’t want you to think I only find you sexy like...this.”

“You think I’m sexy?” No one had ever found her  _ sexy _ before. At least not to her knowledge.

“Yes. God yes.”

“Oh,” she said before she let herself lean down over him again, her hips rising from his erection as she moved close enough to kiss him. “Is it okay that I find it sexy that you’re under me right now?”

He did not use his words to reply, instead sliding his hand behind her neck and bringing her lips to him in a crash. She kissed him open mouthed and filled with desire. He caught her moan with his lips when he touched her breast. The touch was experienced and yet simple but it shot right down to her center and she just couldn’t help herself. She let herself fall a few inches against his chest and she rolled her hips, testing out the motion.

The twinge of pain in his left hand was nothing as he gripped her hip and raised his own hips from the bed against her.

“Shit, Rey, I’m--”

She stopped whatever he was saying with another kiss, his face in her hands, thumbs brushing over his cheeks even as she pulled him closer.

With hardly any effort, he turned them onto their sides, propping himself up with his good arm and pulling her leg over his hip. Without thinking, she moved closer, arching her back and gripping his shoulders.

Ben kissed down her neck,  _ slowly _ trying to gather an ounce of control. He didn’t even feel any pain in his hand as he moved her hips against his. She let out a soft whimper by his ear and he shuddered, his hand moving from her hip to her shoulder, to her neck. She chased his lips even as he pulled away, putting space and air between them.

“Rey…”

She finally opened her eyes.

“If we keep going I’m um...I’m--” He closed his eyes now, unable to fully think.

Rey glanced between their tangled bodies. She could still feel him, throbbing against her hip bone, her belly. “I can...should I?” She hesitated, taking one hand from his shoulder.

Ben opened his eyes and god yes he wanted to feel her touching him but he also knew she was  _ new _ and he didn’t want to rush things. Not just because of that, either. He kind of wanted to tease things out. At least a little bit. “No, no you don’t have to,” he said, making an effort to roll back onto his back.

Rey followed due to gravity, though she quickly took her leg back from where it stretched across his lap. She tucked herself next to him instead, also laying on her back. They barely fit on the mattress. Rey was exceptionally grateful for the cold concrete block her shoulder was digging into. 

“I don’t want to rush things for you,” Ben said finally, taking her hand instead, lacing their fingers together and bringing her hand to his lips for a soft kiss.

Rey furrowed her brow at the ceiling. She definitely felt satiated, and while the thought of sex was exciting, she wasn’t sure if she wanted her very first makeout session to also end up having any other sexual encounters. “Will you be...okay?”

He laughed a little. “I’ll be fine. Just give me like...thirty minutes and crack open the window.” She moved to do just that but he grabbed her and pulled her against his chest. “I was kidding. Mostly.”

She settled against his shirt and sighed, closing her eyes and listening to his heart beating fast. “Okay. I mean...yeah. Okay. It’s probably best to wait.” She hesitated. “That was the first time I’ve ever...made out with anyone before. It was nice.”

“You’re a natural,” Ben said, kissing her hair.

“Thank you?” she laughed.

They both eventually did start to cool down, even tucked together on his bed. Rey was half asleep when Ben jostled her awake by sitting up.

“Aw shit, what time is it?” He scooted to the edge of the bed and hopped off, searching for his phone. 

Rey blinked blearily and slowly sat up.

“What the fuck how is it past six already?”

Had they really been kissing for  _ three hours _ ? No wonder Ben’s lips looked like a smudge of red against his skin. She wondered how mussed she looked.

Ben turned to Rey, phone in hand. “Rehearsals started  _ at _ six…”

Her eyebrows slowly raised as the meaning dawned on her. “Oh shit.” She scrambled off the bed, pulling on her shirt as she did. 

Without her pressed against him, Ben’s dick had gone soft enough to go unnoticed in his pants and he followed her out into the bright hall which nearly blinded them both. Wincing, Ben locked his door as Rey went to get shoes and a jacket, avoiding Kaydel’s inquirings as she yanked on her clothes and joined Ben. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to keep up with the thread [on my twitter](https://twitter.com/hunkbuster/status/1234878392182484994)!


	10. Homework

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben do homework. But they're cute about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey's kinda sort, finally telling Ben some stuff about her? She's less open about her past, but she'll get there eventually.
> 
> CW for this chapter in particular are the same as some tags up above: substance abuse and overdose mentions.
> 
> Keep up with the [Play by Play thread](https://twitter.com/hunkbuster/status/1234878392182484994) on twitter!

Ben was already in the common room when she walked in. It was tiny compared to the basement lounge, with a wall of windows, a tv in one corner, a four-chair table, one longer table and about ten movable sectionals of weird chair-couch things she didn’t have a name for. Ben was sitting on one of those at the big table, computer in front of him and a few books at his side.

“Hey,” she said, sliding in next to him, putting her own laptop and books on the table. Her whole body seemed to be magnetized to him, settling down so their legs pressed together, her shoulder pressing against his arm.

“Hey. I’m uh...sorry about earlier. I’m not a morning person.” He motioned toward the travel mug on the table filled with coffee.

“It’s okay. I’m an everything person. It doesn’t matter what time it is.” She flashed him a grin as she opened up her laptop.

“I’d kill for that but I inherited my dad’s grumpy morning syndrome.”

She laughed a little and Ben felt himself relax, like being in her presence was all it took. His eyes were on her as she squinted at her super messy desktop, looking for the paper she still had to finish for Monday. He lay his hand on her back and she paused what she was doing to look over at him.

He smiled and went in for a kiss, which she readily returned, heart thudding in her chest, stirring the sleepy hunger in her core. She broke off the kiss before she could get too invested in his touch, bumping her nose against his and grinning. “I thought we were meant to be studying,” she lightly teased.

Ben cleared his throat and gave her one last chaste kiss before putting his attention on his screen. “Right, right.” Rey snickered and poked the dimple in his cheek before going to her own work.

They worked for a while without more than the occasional hand wandering to a leg or to another hand, fingers lacing together until they both needed them back to type or hold onto a book. Every once and a while they’d take a break and talk for a few minutes.

“So why do you like hockey so much?” Ben asked first, sitting back against the cushion. 

Rey twisted, pulling a leg underneath her so she could face him. “It’s um...structured but it’s allowed to be messy. And I love being on the ice. I was...am very angry at a lot of things. I used sports as a more civil way of letting some of my anger go. Rugby, football...then I...well it’s a long story but I found hockey and it was the perfect thing to hone my attention and also be able to use my aggressiveness.”

“You don’t seem all that angry to me.”

“I am. I’m good at hiding it and I get it out of my system when we play a game so hockey is sort of like my personal therapy choice.” He didn’t say anything about  _ real _ therapy which was good because she didn’t want to get into that argument today. “And I like the team. We’re down one this season so there’s only nineteen of us. It’s easy to feel close to the other girls.”

“Sounds nice,” Ben said. “I was in Takodana when I was a freshman and that’s why most of my friends are in theater. I used to help backstage but I never got into acting. Sometimes I wonder if I should have but I got into...other things instead.” His eyes darkened for a moment and he started working again. Rey didn’t press.

They broke for a late lunch, getting Grab-n-Go lunches to bring back to the dorm. 

“Was that tweet about me?” Rey asked as they ate, books pushed aside so they could use the table to eat. “The one from this morning? I listened to the song…”

“Uh…” Ben was fully aware that the song threw around the word  _ love _ a lot. “Yes.”

She brightened. “It’s a nice song. I like it.” She chewed on her sandwich before finally asking. “What um...what bad things have you done?”

“What?” Ben nearly choked on his drink.

“In the song. It talks about doing bad things. And I...you’ve mentioned some things but never anything fully.”

Ben took a deep breath and formulated his thoughts. He’d rather talk about literally anything else but she had a right to know. May as well get it out of the way now in case she wanted to bail before they got serious. “It’s um...usually everyone I’m friends with lived through it with me so it’s weird trying to put it into words.”

Rey sat cross-legged, giving him her full attention. He remembered what she said before, that she felt like she could tell him things and not be judged. He didn’t have her certainty but something told him she wouldn’t judge him either.

“I um...I got into drugs and alcohol. It’s college so it’s easily and readily available, y’know? And uh...yeah it started in freshman year as casual stuff but with...with all the shit I brought with me from my past, it escalated pretty fast.

“I honestly don’t know how I even stayed in school. I guess my mom has pull…” he shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. “Anyway, things got really bad last spring. I ended up failing three of my four classes.”

He was  _ avoiding _ telling her the worst parts, not because he didn’t think she could handle it, but it was not a part of his past he wanted to remember in much detail. He’d accepted it was something he went through, something he’d have to struggle not to slip back into for the rest of his life, but he did that by pushing forward, trying to be more positive and actually making future plans for himself. Professor Kenobi had instilled that positivity routine in him over the summer.

Rey could tell he was struggling to get everything out and she reached forward, offering him her hand, waiting to see if he wanted to take it. He did and it helped.

“I um...I...shit this is…”

“You don’t have to tell me,” she said, squeezing his hand. “You don’t have to...bear your soul to me over Grab-n-Go.”

Her words shook him out of his head enough to half-smile. “I should have told you all this before we...in case you wanted to high tail it the fuck away.”

Rey shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t think I will. I mean, you’ve said you’re getting better, right? We talked about that. And I like who you are right now. I think that’s all that matters. People go through things and they change and grow from it. You don’t have to tell me every detail.”

He wasn’t mostly because he couldn’t remember much of it, but he did have that one, big thing he couldn’t not say. He took a few deep breaths, thankful for the anchor of her hand in his. “Last spring break I was here on campus. Not many of us leave, actually. Anyway, I uh...there were no classes so I went...I drank too much and took the wrong combination of pills and...well I don’t remember much but flashes but I overdosed. I ended up in the hospital.”

Besides Kenobi, he hadn’t ever had to  _ say _ this. Everyone he knew had been there. He looked at their hands because he didn’t want to see whatever judgement may be on her face.

“Well shit,” Rey said quietly, which for some reason was not the response he was expecting and it made him look up. She was frowning. “That’s...scary.”

“Yep.”

“I’m glad you’re okay. I mean, you...you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Instead of offering up any more poor word choices, she leaned over and hugged him, nuzzling her face into his shoulder and pulling herself into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her snuggly against him.

“Thank you for telling me,” she said after a while, giving his torso a squeeze and turning her head so she could kiss his neck, feather-light. He loosened his grip on her and she kissed up his neck and then sat back, taking his face in her hands. He looked at her like he couldn’t quite believe she was real and it somehow made her feel important, like she was truly being seen for the first time. “And I’m not gonna...leave just because of that.”

“I um...I…” He let out a heavy breath through his nose and chose a new tactic. “Where did you come from?”

She smiled. “Is this the part where I pretend I’m from that all-women warrior island from Wonder Woman?”

He laughed, tension easing out of his body as he relaxed again. He leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers. They stayed that way, quietly for a while before silently settling back into place to finish off their meals and get back to work.

Half an hour later someone burst into the room, making the both of them jump. It was someone from their floor, Tan.

“Hey, Ben,” he said, face flushed. “So someone uh...Wes was eating a peppermint.”

Ben glanced at Rey, who was trying not to laugh because she didn’t know where this was going but it sounded ridiculous. Ben got to his feet.

“One of those white and red ones, right? And it split in half and sliced open Wes’s mouth. Like the roof of his mouth. And it’s not really stopping.”

Ben blinked and finally looked over at Rey. She was very glad she hadn’t laughed earlier. “Go. I’ll keep your stuff,” she told him. Because he was RA and this was the sort of weird ass college shit he had to deal with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're asking where that ending came from, that legit happened to me in college. My suite was hanging out with the floor's RA and someone rushed in to say someone sliced their mouth open with a peppermint.
> 
> Only in college, am I right? lol


	11. Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns that Ben is very good with his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is smut ahead. Finally. These kids are so horny it's driving my crazy lmao
> 
> Be sure to keep up with the thread on twitter!

The next time Rey was in Ben’s room, it was not under the pretense of homework. His left hand was better and he could put pressure on it without being in pain so he could be on top this time. They’d been making out for a good half hour, one of his legs between hers, her hands roaming, his either in her hair or on her neck or pressing against her ribs.

Ben’s hand skimmed over her breasts, her nipples hard and perky under her shirt. She dug her hands into his hair and pulled him closer, arching her back and squeezing his leg between her thighs. She mumbled something incoherent and kissed him deeper.

When they finally needed to pause for air, he pulled back from the kiss, propped up on his elbow, looking down at her like she was all the things he said she was: gorgeous, sexy, smart,  _ strong _ . He’d mentioned the strong thing recently, surprised at the strength she could squeeze with her legs, and she liked it a lot. Being physically strong meant a lot to her because it meant that she could protect herself.

Her own hazel eyes searched his face, her fingers running a delicate dance over his features, his plump lips pressing to her thumb when she placed it there. He grinned and she rolled her eyes.

“Are you sick of just kissing me?” she asked.

“As opposed to what? And no.” He kissed her again to make a point. 

She kept thinking things like  _ what if we don’t move fast enough _ and  _ does three makeout sessions count as three dates and we have to have sex now _ and various variations of those things. He’d said he wanted to go slow  _ for her _ but she didn’t want to end up letting him slip through her fingers because she didn’t move fast enough.

Ben could almost see the thoughts behind her eyes and he settled back a bit. “Stop worrying.”

“I can’t help it.” She tried to hide behind her hands but he took both of them in one of his big hands and kissed her fingertips.

“Yeah you can. Just...be in the moment. Anything can happen and we can stop whenever.”

She bit the inside of her cheek but finally relented and nodded.

“You can tell me...what you want,” he added.

Rey blinked. “I can?”

He laughed, tucking a bit of hair behind her ear. “Absolutely.”

Something about that seemed to  _ click _ with her. For a brief moment she thought how stupid it was that she hadn’t realized she had a say in the matter before now, but it wasn’t like they’d wasted any time. They had both been fully invested in these past few make out sessions.

“So, if I want you to take your shirt off,” she started, reaching toward the hem of his t-shirt. Ben sat up enough to do just that while Rey rolled around the idea of having enough power to make someone do whatever she wanted them to.

He came back down to her and his skin was warm under her touch. Her fingers on his bare skin were like electricity, and he resumed kissing her senseless so she’d keep touching him. As he kissed down her jaw and to her neck, sending a jolt of pleasure to her core when his lips pressed under her ear, Rey took his hand and slid it under her top. 

Ben needed no more prompting than that, splaying his hand across her abdomen and slowly moving up to her breasts. She hadn’t worn a bra and was very thankful as he gently massaged and pinched and made her gasp. Her head pressed back into his pillow and she closed her eyes, hands tangled in his hair when he moved his mouth to her nipple, sucking through her shirt and coaxing a moan from the back of her throat.

“Ben…”

He stopped right away but she didn’t tell him to stop so he settled back at her side, kissing her chin and finding her lips, his hand still under her shirt. He’d been hard since two minutes after they started kissing, and he almost moved her hand down to his pants but he didn’t, restraining himself. Instead, Rey broke off their kiss, noses still touching.

“Ben,” she said again, and he was sure he never wanted to hear his name from anyone else’s lips but hers ever again.

“Yes?” He kissed her cheek.

“I’m…” She was wetter than she’d ever been able to make herself. It wasn’t a one time occurrence either. Every single time they’d done this she’d been soaked, but she didn’t know how to tell him that with a straight face. Showing him was easier, wasn’t it? Rey hooked an arm around his neck and kissed him, pressing herself against him as much as she could before finding his hand and once again putting it where she wanted it. Her heart jumped from nerves and excitement with his hand sliding over her shorts and pressing between her legs. “I want,” was all she said against his lips.

Ben glanced down at where her fingers wrapped around his wrist, feeling the heat between her thighs on his hand. She squeezed his wrist and then took his face in her hands and slotted their mouths together in open, needy kisses.

He curled his fingers just a bit, feeling how wet she was even though her shorts. His breath hitched as he moved his hand between her shorts and underwear. He slid a finger over the drenched fabric and she rolled her hips toward him, fingernails digging into his shoulder.

“Christ,” she muttered. He’d barely touched her but it felt magnificent. Her eyes fluttered closed when he ran his finger along her folds, pausing to circle around her clit. She couldn’t even think about kissing right now, her hips bucking when he pressed and circled and stroked. 

Ben brought his lips close to her ear. “Is this another bad time to tell you how gorgeous you are?” he said, voice low.

Rey whimpered. Straight up whimpered, the noise coming without any warning. She could feel his cock throbbing between them again, and if she could think straight she may have tried to touch him, but she could barely comprehend anything at this very moment. 

He moved his mouth down to her neck, scraping his teeth against the sensitive skin and sucking gently as her breathing grew heavier, panting and making the tiniest, most erotic noises. 

“ _ Please _ ,” she moaned out.

Ben pushed his fingers under the waistband of her panties. “Is this--?”

“Yes.”

His hand slid below and Rey gasped with the feeling of him touching her. He moved his mouth back to hers then, catching her perfectly parted lips in his as his finger slipped through the wetness. 

“Fuck, Rey,” he mumbled against her lips, teasing her and stroking his finger up and down through the slick folds. She was already trembling, one hand clutching his shoulder, the other grasping the covers at her side. He flicked his thumb over her clit and she moaned, arching her back and spreading her legs even more, inviting him in.

Rey almost bit down hard on his lower lip when he pushed his finger inside of her. The words that left her mouth were nonsense and for the first time in her life, it didn’t fucking matter. She canted her hips toward him, wanting more, always more. He slid his finger slowly in and out of her, catching her clit on his palm as he did.

“You’re amazing,” she panted out, catching a grin on his face as he added another digit. God his hands were massive. She never had anything extra when she touched herself but her own hands and she had never felt so filled before. 

He kissed her hard, his tongue in her mouth as he thrust with his fingers, adding a third and stretching her to the edge of pleasure, curling his fingers inside and making her dizzy. “ _ Rey,  _ sweetheart.”

“I’m...I’m…” No words could escape before her body flooded with ecstasy and she clenched around his fingers, moaning and shaking and shuddering.

Ben muttered out a few curses of his own because fuck it if she wasn’t beautiful as a fucking painting and she was tight and wet around his fingers and his cock was as hard as it had ever been, imagining being inside of her.

Finally Rey’s eyes fluttered open and she found Ben looking at her and she cocked a grin. “Well fuck,” she said, releasing the covers and pushing some sweaty hair out of his eyes.

Ben responded with a nuzzling kiss and took his hand out of her pants. “I didn’t uh...hurt you did I? I know I have...mmm  _ large _ hands.”

“No,” she shook her head. “Your hands are...magical.”

He chuckled.

“I...I don’t think I can…” She was still reeling. She’d never come like that before on her own and she felt weak and warm all over. “I don’t think I can return the favor.”

He wasn’t surprised or mad or anything. “It’s fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Rey half didn’t believe him but she couldn’t find a reason to argue so she just leaned up and kissed the dip in his clavicle, the skin there salty and warm. 

Just a few cool-down minutes later, her phone buzzed with an alarm. She let it play, not wanting to move. “I promised the girls I’d meet them for dinner,” she said finally, rubbing an itch on her nose.

“You should go,” Ben said gently.

She made a face, but she did need to go. They were discussing the upcoming game and she needed to be there as part of the defensive line. “Fine,” she finally sighed. She kissed him one last time, long and lingering before she scooted off his bed and landed lightly on her feet.

“Are you um...are you going to finish off what we started?” she asked. And immediately regretted asking. Her face turned red again.

Ben sat up, leaning against the cool wall. “Probably,” he answered like it wasn’t at all embarrassing.

Which made her feel less embarrassed about it. She still wanted to leave before she said anything else embarrassing and so she headed toward the door, unlocking the top bolt and pulling it open. “Text me later?” she said, glancing over her shoulder. Ben nodded and she started walking out, only to walk directly into the damn doorframe.

Behind her Ben tried to stifle a laugh. “Shit, are you okay?”

Rey, now sporting an even redder mark on her forehead, wanted very much to melt into the floor. “I’m okay!” she yelled before walking into the hall and yanking the door shut behind her.


	12. Touchin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets a little more comfortable with _touching_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops more smut. I've never written so much smut for a single fic in my whole life. This was is pretty uhhh hot though IMO.
> 
> Enjoy!

“How much time do we have?” Ben asked, breaking off from a flurry of kisses he’d attacked Rey with the moment she stepped foot in his room.

“Hours,” she said. She’d actually planned things this time, knowing she had a game later and knowing how lost in each other they could get. Hours could slip by like a blink. 

“Thank God,” he said and smothered her in more kisses, hands engulfing her face, every part of him feeling exceptionally larger than usual today. His hands on her face, his shoulders under her hands…

She let out a startled “Ben!” when he suddenly lifted her as if she weighed nothing. Her legs wrapped around him and she held on with her hands on his shoulders, laughing to calm the jump in her stomach as he pressed her back against the concrete wall. 

He grinned, hands spread across her hips, under her ass. “Yes?”

“You could have at least warned me,” she said, taking his face in her hands and kissing him, trying to stay angry but failing. His stupid perfect lips and wandering tongue and that delicious deep moan from the back of his throat was enough to make her melt. He shifted his mouth to her neck, nipping, sucking, kissing. She tilted her head back and smirked. “I take it you missed me.”

“Mmmphyes,” he said, kissing her throat. “I thought about you all day yesterday.”

“You did?” He squeezed her ass and she shivered. All of her inhibitions were down, her brain was  _ off _ and she was totally feeling this moment. “Did you touch yourself while thinking about me?”

He paused, pulling back and she opened her eyes to meet his gaze. He looked confused, but whatever her face told him smoothed that out. “Definitely,” he said, burrowing his face against her chest and kissing her soft breasts and hard nipples through her shirt. “You’re okay with that now?”

“I um...it was weird to think about before but I think it’s actually kind of hot,” she said, biting down on her bottom lip.

“Huh, okay.” Before she could ask what he was doing, he spun them around and lifted her onto his bed. She crawled back from the edge and watched him unbutton his jeans and get rid of them, leaving him in his underwear, erection straining against the fabric.

She took a deep breath as a shiver ran through her, eyes on him, eyes on her as he got onto the bed. She scooted back to give him room and reached toward him, hands tugging at the hem of his shirt. Between the two of them, it was tossed off, leaving him the most undressed he’d ever been in front of her. Rey swallowed hard as he leaned toward her and she fell back against the mattress. Her shirt ran up a bit and he found the sliver of skin, kissing softly and gently, methodically pulling her shirt up with each consequential kiss. Her entire body tingled by the time he pulled it over her head. He removed her shorts too.

She lay there, lips parted, cheeks flushed in nothing but a pair of thin panties, curled hair splayed out around her like a halo. 

“This is how I think of you,” Ben said, running his eyes over her and his hand too, from her leg, over her hip bone, up her belly, between her breasts to her neck, her face. He held her face and kissed her, tongue sliding between her lips until she wriggled and moaned, hands reaching for him, to pull him closer.

He found one of her roaming hands, palms and fingers sliding together.

“Show me,” she breathed out, looking angelic, feeling sexy and loving it. This was the craving she’d never known she had and now it was always there, the need and desire for him, for  _ Ben _ . She didn’t care if the words coming out of her mouth were cliche or stupid, they just kept coming and she didn’t want to stop. “Show me how you touch yourself.”

He did, bringing her hand to his cock, shuddering at her delicate touch. He had been yearning, fucking  _ yearning _ , for this for weeks now, since the day after his birthday when she’d come in and they’d kissed properly. He was hooked from that instant. But fuck it if the wait wasn’t worth it.

Ben moved her hand along the length of him and Rey caught his lips in a kiss, curling her hand around him as much as she could against the fabric. She had felt his erection between them as they made out but touching with her hand, she was keenly aware of the size of him. Big, like the rest of him. Fitting, she supposed.  _ A challenge _ . She liked a challenge.

She squeezed a tiny bit and he muttered a curse, breath warm against her ear as his head fell to her shoulder. He held onto her torso, fingers falling in the dips between her ribs, pressing hard but not too hard. 

“Does that feel nice?” she asked.

“Mmmhmmmm.” His lips were against her neck.

Sucking in a small breath, Rey slid her hand under his waistband and touched him, cock red hot and throbbing under her touch.

“ _ Rey _ .” Ben pulled her closer, tangling their legs together, trapping her. Rey ran her fingers along the main vein and brushed her thumb along the underside of the tip and he shuddered. She closed her eyes, a tiny smile on her face, the effect she had on him giving her all the confidence in the world.

She gripped him and stroked slowly, given the limited amount of space she had it was all she could really do. “And now?” she asked. “Tell me.”

“I’ve...fuck, Rey, I’ve imagined you touching me,” he said, breath already slipping into pants. “Sweetheart, it feels so fucking good.”

“Do you want...do you want me to make you come?” She pitched her voice low.

He shifted, forcing her hand down to the base of his cock. “Yes,” he said simply. She moved her hand up-- _ Christ _ there was  _ so much _ of him--and slid her thumb across his head, slick with precum. 

She was about to ask how when he grabbed her and flipped them around, settling her on top of him. He reached up for her and kissed her, aggressive, taking what he wanted, what he needed. Rey lay her hands on his chest and tried out keeping her hips low and rolling her cunt over his dick. He moaned and she grinned into the kiss. The friction tingled but she didn’t mind and he didn’t stop her. In fact, he grabbed her hips after a while and pushed her down harder against him. 

“Ben,” Rey breathed out. “I want you...I want you to touch me when I’m touching you.” She sat back, settling heavy on his cock, wondering how the hell he hadn’t already come. Wasn’t it supposed to be a quick thing for guys?

A minute later, Ben had done away with his underwear, Rey’s eyes widening and marveling over the size of him. She lay back, panties firmly in place. If she got rid of them she didn’t know what would happen.

Ben pushed her legs open, fingers rough against her soft inner thigh. He pinned her one leg down with his hip and she reached down, touching him again. His hand rested against the warm, wetness between her thighs and she sighed. They kissed, sloppy, messy kisses. She stroked his cock, trying to find a good angle and eventually finding a rhythm. She moaned and arched her back when he slipped his fingers inside of her, two to start, wasting no time.

She stroked and he thrust and rubbed at her clit and they had to break from kissing, sucking in air and staring into each other’s eyes. That alone sent jolts of electricity through Rey.

“You feel so good,” she whispered out, eyes fluttering closed. 

“So good,” he echoed, kissing all over her face. It had been a long time since someone else touched him and his breath hitched and fell into pants, heavy and heady. Ben removed his hand from her cunt, amid a growl of frustration from her, and moved fast for someone his size, pushing her legs down between his to straddle her and dipping down to kiss her again.

Rey wanted his hand on her, his fingers inside of her, but it  _ was _ easier to stroke him when he was above her. He grew harder and harder in her hand, his face tightened into an expression she couldn’t describe, one hand gripping her hip, her breast, finding anything he could hold onto. 

“ _ Fuck _ Rey,” he panted out.

He came, his cock pulsing under her hand, warm cum startling her as it hit her stomach and breasts. She kept stroking him until he started to grow softer in her hand.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he muttered, kissing her neck again. “That was….”

“Good?” She had cum on her hand and experimentally lifted it, slipping her thumb into her mouth. Ben sat back, towering over her, watching her suck on her finger. It was salty and definitely not what she expected. 

“Very,” he said, chest heaving with effort. “Very, very good.”

She grinned at him, which was unbelievably sexy. She was beneath him, nearly naked, covered in his cum, tasting him and smiling. He was already getting hard again. 

“Me next,” she told him. He arched his eyebrow, getting off the bed for a minute to grab some tissues to wipe off her stomach. She let him and waited impatiently for him to return.

Pushed up to his pillows, Rey felt herself cooling off but she wanted to be revved up again. He crawled up to her, back to wearing underwear which she thought for a moment was pretty unfortunate, and kissed her. He kissed her, lingering and with tongue before he moved down. He kissed her neck, her breasts, sucking on her nipples before kissing down her stomach, tasting a bit of himself as he did and down to the edge of her panties.

He glanced up and met her eyes. After a beat, she nodded, raising her hips so he could pull off the last bit of her clothing.

She parted her legs for him and he settled between them, moving his hips. “Why are you teasing me?” she said almost pouting.

He grinned, taking her chin between his index and thumb. “What do you want me to do?”

“Touch me, Ben.”

He tilted his head. “Can I taste you?”

She was about to say he could do whatever the hell he wanted, but she definitely liked to be the one to tell him what to do. “Yes,” she said, hoping she liked it.

He kissed her one last time and then moved down her body again. She watched, curious as he settled down and moved her legs over his shoulders, swallowing hard, heart racing as he kissed her inner thighs and moved his way toward her center. He kissed her, lips finding her clit. The first thought she had was  _ this is weird _ followed quickly by  _ holy fuck _ when his tongue licked through her folds, slick and wet for him. 

She moaned and he chuckled, which made her even wetter. He swirled his tongue around her clit and ran it over her entrance, eating her up, eating her  _ out _ . God, how had she never realized this was what that meant?

His tongue slipped inside of her and her hips bucked. He grabbed onto them and continued as she mewled out his name and a symphony of other sounds. She gasped, shivering when he pressed a finger inside of her and his tongue focused on her clit, swirling and sucking.

“My God, Ben,” she muttered, and then with a plea, “ _ More _ .”

He obliged, thrusting his fingers harder than before without the barrier of her underwear. She should have been letting him do this from the beginning. Her head was spinning, her hand gripping the covers, the other tangling in his hair. 

She did not have the word processing ability to warn him before she came, clutching around his fingers and shuddering, crying out, her clit an electric nerve center under his tongue. 

“Fuck, Rey, you’re so...so good, tight, wet,” Ben said, running his thumb over her clit and making her jump and growl before he sat up. She stayed laying there, gasping for air and reaching toward him blindly. He settled down next to her, wrapping her up in his arms, pulling her flush against him. He pushed a leg between hers and she settled with her arms trapped between their chests.

“That was...that was,” she didn’t even have the words.

“Mmmm,” Ben replied. 

She nuzzled against him. “Thank you,” she said, hoping he couldn’t hear. “For teaching me all this.”

“It’s my pleasure. And hopefully yours, too.”

“Yes,” she grinned, knowing they should get on with their afternoon. Showers were in order, and she didn’t know how much time they’d taken. She had a game….but she didn’t want to think about that right now. She just wanted to lay here for a while and pretend the world had stopped. Ben had the same thought. The universe could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep up with the rest of the fic on the [twitter thread](https://twitter.com/hunkbuster/status/1234878392182484994)!


	13. Confessional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So sex doesn't go as planned but the day isn't entirely ruined?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *screams in reylo*

Ben had been waiting by his door for a while, his shoulder sore from where he’d been leaning, his phone in his hand,  _ waiting _ . When he heard a soft, almost inaudible knock on his door, he opened it within milliseconds.

“Rey,” he said, worry layered through the single syllable. 

“So I’m here,” she said, arms wrapped around herself. She was wearing her largest, bulkiest sweater, practically worn as a barrier between them even though she  _ hated _ that. She had just grabbed it and pulled it on over her leggings and hadn’t had the energy to change, her head swirling.

Ben nodded, pulling the door open and giving her the choice to come inside or not. She did. His window was cracked open, letting in blessedly cold air to stave off the heat roaring out of the radiator. She stood in the middle of the room, still holding onto herself like she was afraid she may fall apart if she let go.

“Are you okay?” Ben asked. He had also pulled on clothes in the time since she ran away. Lounge pants and a t-shirt. At least her body couldn’t betray her and yearn for him as much when he was fully clothed.

“I feel ridiculous,” she muttered. She scrunched up her nose, willing herself not to cry. She hadn’t cried at all in the last hour, she wasn’t about to cry in front of him over something so trivial and stupid.

“I told you, everything’s fine.” He took a few steps toward her. She didn’t step away but she didn’t invite him in. He paused a step away. “What happened? Did I do something?”

Rey finally looked up at him then. Of course, knowing so much more about him now than she did a month ago,  _ of course _ he would instantly think he was the reason, which just shoved a knife in her heart and twisted it. Because it wasn’t him, never him, he was perfect in all the ways that mattered to her and she was the one who couldn’t get her shit together.

“No, no.” She shook her head, slowly taking her arms away from herself. She did not unravel like a knitted sweater. “It was...it was my stupid brain.” She rubbed her temples with her fingertips. “I don’t know what the fuck happened.”

Ben could no longer just stand there. He closed the space between them, taking her hands, folding them against his chest beneath his own hands. “Rey, it’s okay.”

“Is it?” she frowned.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t it be?”

She sighed, nervous dots of red appearing on her cheeks. “You’re not...you’re not gonna get bored of me?”

“For not having sex with me?” He looked almost angry. “Rey, are you kidding? I could never get tired of kissing you. Or touching you. Or you touching me.”

The more he spoke, the more the tension in her shoulders loosened. And the more she realized just how much she had been overreacting. It wasn’t like they only kissed while standing and leaving room for Jesus. They were always in bed and almost always nearly naked and there was always orgasms and well...okay so they may have sort of been having sex already without her ever thinking about it because there were many, many ways to have sex. Thinking,  _ overthinking _ was the enemy. 

“Besides,” Ben went on. “That’s got nothing to do with anything I...I feel about you.”

Rey dropped her gaze, stepping forward to press her face into his chest so she didn’t really have to face him. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin against her hair. “I don’t know why you want to keep going out with me. I’m such a mess,” she said, voice muffled by his shirt.

“You wanna hear something that may make you feel better?” Ben murmured. She nodded against his chest. “I was uh...pretty fucking nervous about sleeping with you.”

Rey jerked back suddenly, looking up at him skeptically. “Why? You’ve had sex before. Loads of times, I’d imagine.”

He sucked air through his teeth and shrugged. “Sure um...comparatively. But it’s uh...not like I can really remember the last time I did it sober. And it’s  _ you _ .”

“What’s so special about me?”

Ben frowned, hands hooking behind her neck, thumbs brushing against the line of her jaw. “What... _ Rey _ . Do you know how many people would have been able to deal with all my baggage? Hell, do you know how many people I’d actually share that part of myself with?”

She looked at him, waiting for an answer. She knew that it wasn’t easy for him to talk about his past, but he had, sharing everything with her, and she was still here. It wasn’t hard to  _ stay _ , not when he made her feel so...so...safe, so warm, so accepted. She already couldn’t believe she thought that running away earlier would fix things. She’d been so wrong.

“Just about no one,” Ben continued, holding her like she was a precious thing, looking at her like she meant the world to him. “Rey, I--”

“I love you.” The words came without warning, squeezed out of her by her stomach flipping, blood rushing through her ears, heart pounding, hands shaking where they bunched up in his shirt. Her eyes widened when she realized what she’d said, but it was  _ true _ . He had shared so much with her, trusted her, felt safe enough  _ with her _ that how could she  _ not _ ? She wasn’t even scared to say it, she just hadn’t thought about it until just now.

“Hey, that’s what I was gonna say,” he said, tone light.

“ _ Oh _ .” Rey brought herself closer to him, feeling warm and tingling all over. “I’m sorry I interrupted.”

He smiled at her. “I’m not.” Ben kissed her, and she held onto him for dear life. “I love you, Rey,” he murmured against her lips, sending a shiver of pleasure through her, reaching every dark corner inside of her, filling her with light.

She was nearly shaking with emotion, holding onto his wrists. How this day had unfolded was not what she’d expected or planned, but it wasn’t turning out all that bad. Her smile was soft and gentle.

They kissed again and again. There was a gentle sort of connection between them, new and fresh, exciting but deep. It didn’t feel foolish or like the sort of fleeting college “love” that many fell prey to. 

The hunger in Rey was asleep, basking in Ben’s light and she was okay with that. Ben meant what he said, he could wait and he would wait. He couldn’t remember a time when he told someone he loved them and having it mean so much.

“I um,” Rey said after a while, Ben trapped between her and the edge of his bed. He didn’t even complain about the frame digging into his back. “I really need to do some studying. I haven’t had much time with the games and...everything.”

“Okay. Do you want to study with me? We could do it here or in the common room.”

She shook her head. “There’s already a lot of people in the common room. I can...I’ll bring my stuff in here, if that’s okay?”

“Of course,” he said, placing another kiss on her lips before letting her go. 

She hesitated,  _ knowing _ she wasn’t running away this time but still not wanting to leave. “Okay...okay.” Flashing him a grin, she slipped out of his room to gather up her things, returning to him as quickly as humanly possible.

They settled into what were their respective positions: him at the desk, her in the massive moon chair. Neither of them were being overridden with sexy thoughts, but they did keep glancing over at each other and sharing quiet smiles. He left the room once or twice to check the halls, the common room, making sure no one was being too loud. 

Every time he returned, Rey beamed at him, heart tightening in her chest. His own heart thundered beneath his ribcage and he would come over and kiss her long enough to become a distraction and she would try half-heartedly to push him away. Every time he only retreated after he had succeeded in making her laugh, settling into the desk chair with a stupid grin on his face.


	14. Firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has finally gotten through her first semester and now she can _relax_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the words of michael scott: it's happening!

Rey had been asleep in Ben’s bed for an hour. After her last final, she crawled back to the dorm and into his bed and fell promptly asleep. Ben was tempted to join her but he didn’t want to wake her up so he sat in his big comfy chair, reading his first not-for-class book of the semester. He looked up occasionally to see her face scrunched up in sleep, adorable and freckled, hair getting messier by the minute.

Eventually he couldn’t stand it and he got onto the bed as carefully as he could. She sighed into her elbow where her face was tucked and moved as he lay down next to her, half-aware but still sleeping. He put his arm around her middle and pulled her back to him, playing big spoon to her little spoon. She sighed again and muttered his name, waking a little bit more.

He pushed hair back from her neck and kissed under her ear lightly. She shivered and slid her hand over his, resting on her abdomen. She slowly woke to his soft kisses and blinked open her eyes, twisting her shoulders so she could see him. He kissed her jaw and the corner of her mouth.

“Hey,” she said, groggily, flipping onto her back. She rubbed her face with her hands and frowned at him. “What time is it?”

“Three-ish I think,” Ben said, rubbing his thumb over her belly and looking softly down at her. “I figured you could use the sleep.”

She scoffed, hands moving to rest on his collarbones, his shirt soft under her hands. “I’m so glad we don’t have any games again this weekend. I need a break.”

He brushed her cheeks with the back of his knuckles. “You deserve it. You’ve been working your ass off.”

“Technically working my ass  _ up _ since one of my activities keeps me fit,” she smirked. 

His smile was more dazzling than usual. “How do you feel about finishing your first semester?”

“It feels...it feels nice,” she said, running her fingertips in nonsensical patterns at the base of his neck. “I um...I’ve never really ever felt so settled and steady anywhere in my life before.” Her eyes flickered away from his for a moment before she took a deep breath and returned her gaze to his. “You’ve shared so much with me, but I’ve hardly told you anything about me.”

“You’ve told me plenty,” he said, going through all the things he knew about her like it was a filing cabinet in his brain. It was filled with things she’d told him and things he’d found out by himself.

“This is...before now my life was up in the air all the time. I never knew when I’d be given to another family or end up in another halfway house or something. I’d spent my whole life trying to just survive.” She paused, bunching up his shirt in her hands. “Since coming to school and meeting you I finally feel like I can live a little bit and not feel guilty about it.”

Ben stroked her hair when she buried her face in his chest. “Hey, I’m happy about that. And I barely do anything.”

“You do everything,” she said, settling back. She toyed with his steadily growing facial hair with her fingers. “I don’t want to be that girl but you should definitely shave this off.” He recently chopped most of his hair off and she still got butterflies when she saw him but she liked when his face was smooth.

He laughed a little. “Sorry. I didn’t have the energy when I was writing a bunch of fifteen page papers.”

“It’s fine. I shouldn’t dictate how you look but…” She buried her face in his chest, muffling her voice. “I love you, Ben.”

His smile softened. “Yeah, I love you too. Feels nice to say, right?”

“So nice,” she grinned before hooking her fingers behind his neck and pulling him down for a kiss. There was no urgency, no rush, no classes or games to rush off to, so the kiss was slow and long and made Rey dizzy.

They kept kissing, becoming more intertwined with each other as the minutes ticked by into almost an hour and their kissing got faster, harder, more needy. Their hearts were beating in almost perfect tandem and moans slipped from both of their throats as hands roamed, and hips moved, and backs arched.

“How um….how sturdy is this bed?” Rey asked, glancing at the edge of the thin mattress toward the floor that disappeared beyond the four foot drop. 

“Uh...oh uh...sturdy,” Ben said  _ so _ eloquently. He wasn’t lying either. He’d put two stability bars on the back when he first put his room together months ago. 

She laughed lightly. “Okay.”

“Unless you don’t want...we could go somewhere else. I am totally okay with trying to find an empty hotel room.”

Rey chuckled then, lightly batting at his shoulder. “Isn’t dorm room sex a rite of passage?”

“Probably.”

“I trust you not to break the bed. And not to let me fall off the side.”

He held her chin in his hand. “I’ll be gentle.”

“Okay,” she said, voice a little softer. As much as she liked, no  _ loved _ , the intense thrusting his fingers could do, she wasn’t sure that she wanted to be  _ fucked _ per say for her first time ever.

He brushed some hair from her face and went back to kissing her lovely lips, already bright pink and swollen from their antics. He did his best to unzip her hoodie but failed, pausing to growl in annoyance, Rey’s lilting laughter in his ears. He had to scoot back and pull on the zipper with both hands before he got it unstuck.

Finally, he pushed the sweatshirt off her shoulders and she wriggled out of it, letting it fall to the floor off the side of the bed. “Ben Solo one, jumper zero,” Rey laughed, reaching for him.

With a half smile on his face, he moved her easily to the middle of the mattress, nudged her legs open and settled between them, covering her torso with his and kissing her again. She tugged on his shirt a few minutes later and soon that was gone too. Her hands ran over his skin and his went to her shirt, slipping underneath and moving to her breasts.

His fingers swiped over her sensitive nipples and she moaned, arching her back and squeezing his hips with her thighs. “Rey, Rey,  _ Rey _ ,” he murmured against her lips as he thrust against her hips.

“Ben, Ben,  _ Ben _ ,” she echoed, reaching down between them and finding his erection straining against his pants. The feeling of her hand was too distant and with a furious scrambling, Ben’s pants went over the bed and onto the floor. Rey pulled off her shirt and barely got her yoga pants off before Ben grabbed her hips and pulled her toward him. She hooked her legs around his waist as he massaged her breasts and kissed down her neck, sucking hard enough to probably leave her with a hickey but that was a problem for another day.

She reached down again and slid her hand into his underwear, finding him hard and hot and wrapping her hand around his cock, stroking in slow motions. Ben’s breath caught in his throat at her touch, each motion dragging a low, deep sound from his chest. She kept going, the sounds she was eliciting from him turning her on even more. 

Rey gasped when he dropped his hips down and ground his cock against her clit. She slipped her fingers over his sensitive head and bit down on his bottom lip just a little. Her eyes fluttered open and she grinned at him. 

They hadn’t gotten this far last time and she had no intention of running away. She’d come to realize that she had nothing to fear and there was nothing else she’d rather be doing than touching and tasting Ben and being touched and tasted by him.

Ben, of course, would concur.

“You can um...you can still tell me what you want me to do,” Ben said, breathing heavily. “If it will help you feel...more comfortable.”

Rey nodded. “Okay. I mean...yeah, probably.” She kissed him again and then frowned, breaking it off. “You can tell me too. I feel like…” She blushed. “You always do what I want but I don’t want to um...neglect you.”

“I like doing things for you.”

“And I love that, but I want to do things for you too.” He was heavy and hard between her hips and it was distracting. She ran her hands down his chest.

“You do things for me,” Ben said, nuzzling against her cheek. 

Rey frowned a little. “Do you want me to be on top?”

“For...no. I mean, yes, but not um...this time. I’m not an asshole.” He followed one of her arms with his fingers and grabbed her hand, lacing their fingers together and pressing their linked hands down against the mattress. “I don’t mind doing all the work.”

“Okay. Can I still be on top  _ now _ ?” She used her free hand to pull at the waistband of his underwear.

One more scramble later and Ben’s last bit of clothes were gone and Rey was straddling him again. Her cunt was hot and wet through her panties against him and she could feel him throbbing against her. She perched on her knees and ran her hands through her hair in what she hoped was a sexy way-- _ it was _ \--and Ben’s hands ran along her ribs, finding her breasts and roaming. She moved her hips experimentally because she’d never had to keep her balance like this before and the sharp intake of breath from Ben was all she needed to continue.

She moved slowly, deliberately, and she watched him, eyes closed, focusing on the feeling of her. His hands gripped her hips hard and it sent a jolt of pleasure through her the same way as him kissing below her ear did. Totally irrational but it was there.

Ben opened his eyes and found himself blown away once again by her beauty in all its forms. He brought his hand to her abdomen, fingers splaying across her lower belly as he ran his thumb over her clit through the fabric. Her breath hitched and, meeting his eyes, she smiled a little devilishly.

“ _ Fuck _ , sweetheart,” he growled out when she sat forward, sliding a hand around his cock and leaning close, lips hovering above his own. 

“Is this...is this good for you, Ben?” she asked, her voice low.

“Yes,” he said, teeth clenched, trying to move his hips along with her strokes. He succeeded mostly in just hitting her backside and pushing her face closer to his, their noses bumping together.

“Do you want me to keep going?”

He  _ did _ and he didn’t. The question lingered in the air between them, his eyes squeezed shut momentarily before they sprang open. Her own widened a little as he grabbed her by the waist and delicately tossed her back against the mattress. He gripped her hand and moved her palm to his dick, curling her fingers around him and moving his hand over hers for a few strokes.

“Like that?” she asked.

In response, he pushed down her panties and shoved one finger inside of her. She moaned and he kissed her, all tongue and desperation. She kissed him back just as fiercely, spreading her legs and canting her hips into his hand. She was so wet and the noises his fingers made sliding in and out of her were loud and strangely addictive. Rey halted her stroking when her thumb slipped over the slick precum leaking from him. Ben took his hand from her and she protested but then he was kissing her stomach and legs and then her beautifully slick folds.

He kissed and sucked and licked, dipping his tongue into her and making her shiver, edging toward an orgasm. He added fingers and it was only a matter of a minute or two before she cried out and came, leaving her wetter than before.

A string of curses fell from her lips, a wrist thrown over her forehead as she stared at the ceiling. “Ben,” she said as he moved away, leaving her feeling colder. “You are so fucking good at that.”

He grinned and she put her foot on his abs, pretending to push him off the bed.

“I need to get better at that,” she added, thoughtfully. She’d  _ tried _ , but mostly all she’d done was have him come in her mouth. It was good but nothing like what he did for her.

“We have plenty of time for that,” Ben said, trying to get off his bed, naked with an enormous hard on. He was thankful Rey wasn’t looking. He came back with a condom in a wrapper and tossed it on the pillow next to her. 

Her legs were still shaking from her orgasm and her entire body felt on high alert. She peeked through her fingers at him. 

“Can I try something?” he asked.

She pushed herself up on her elbows. “What is it?”

“I’m uh...so I’m clean,” he said and added  _ somehow _ in his head but didn’t speak it. “I just want to...feel you against me without any layers.”

“Oh...okay.” She trusted him and he hadn’t led her astray yet.

“This is not a ploy to have sex with you without a condom,” he added, like it was a disclaimer.

She appreciated it, but she also laughed a little, voicing her thoughts. “I trust you, Ben.”

He nodded and slid on top of her, between her legs, putting more weight on her than he usually did. They were clothesless for the first time and everything about him was hot and hard. Everything about her was soft and wet.

They kissed and kissed. He kissed down her neck before propping himself up on his arm, the other hooking her leg around his hip. He reached between them and spread her folds open and she shivered as the hard staff of his cock slid across her slick slit. Her fingernails dug into his back and he muttered into her ear. She was wet enough for him to slide his whole erection against her, pressing against her clit and making her breath hot and fast.

“Ben,” she breathed out.

“Christ, Rey. You feel so good.”

Her head spun. “Yes,” was all she could muster because God she could feel how big he was, so close to her now and she  _ wanted _ him. She could feel him start to tremble and she blindly reached up to find the condom on the pillow and shoving it at him.

He sat back and slid it on, the wrapper tumbling to the floor. Hovering over her again, he kissed her and nudged her nose with his. “Tell me,” he said, having gotten used to her telling him what she wanted. He  _ liked _ it.

“I want to feel you,” she said, holding onto his shoulders. 

He reached between them again, sliding his fingers over her again. She shivered. “Tell me if I’m going too fast.”

She nodded and he guided himself to her entrance. She gasped when he pushed through, barely the tip. She wriggled around and nodded. “Slowly,” she said, making sure to keep herself relaxed.

He moved slowly, like he was told, and  _ fucking hell _ she was so tight around him, but she kept coaxing him forward. He went in a bit and pulled out and in again, getting her used to it and sending shivers down his own spine.

Rey tilted her head back against the pillow, her hands at his waist now. “Is it...fuck, can you move more?  _ Please _ .”

He did, lacing their hands together and moving his hips. He didn’t push all the way in, but he thrust and she gasped and bit down on anything she could find: his shoulder, his arm, his lips sometimes. She grew wetter and he slipped forward more until she felt filled up to the fucking brim and dug her nails into his back.

“ _ Sweetheart _ , fuck,” he murmured, head resting against the crook of her neck. She moaned and mewled and he thrust, falling into a rhythm. Rey moved her hips to get more comfortable and nearly saw stars with the way he filled her, pressing against her in all the right ways.

She didn’t think she’d come again, even though she wanted to, her hands occupied and unable to reach for her clit, but then Ben sat back and grabbed her hips, pulling them off the bed and thrusting. The angle was enough to drag another orgasm out of her with a gasp of, “Fucking hell,” before she squeezed around his cock and her whole body shook as his throbbing head scraped down her constricted walls.

“ _ Shit, _ ” Ben huffed out, tumbling over her again, kissing her and holding her steady with one hand. Her vision was white stars, her body a highly active wire, thrumming, buzzing, sparking.

Barely able to keep her breath even enough to speak, she managed to say, “Come for me, Ben,” and her voice, low and thick, was enough for him. He thrust faster and came like an explosion, a firework, his whole body invested in it.

Rey curled her legs around his hips when he finally settled down on top of her, kissing her salty chest as she pushed sweaty hair away from his face.

“God damn,” Ben muttered. He pushed himself up with one shaking arm. “I love you,” he said, over and over between kisses all over her face until she nearly screamed with laughter.

“Ben!” she eventually yelled out, and he ceased. “I love you too,” she said calmly, taking his head in her hands and kissing him.

He gave her one final kiss on the cheek before pulling out of her, and doing away with the condom. He let out a few deep breaths as he flopped back on the bed. Rey automatically curled up against him, both of them sweaty and sticky.

“So that was...well worth the wait,” Rey said, throwing an arm across his chest and squeezing as much as she could at the angle.

“Mmmmhmmm.”

“Say, yes, Ben,” she poked him.

“Ow. Yes. Very. Amazing, you are.” He kissed her head.

“I barely did anything…”

“Fuck, Rey, you just being here is everything I need. I get hard just looking at you across the room sometimes.”

She would have blushed if she wasn’t already completely flushed head to toe. “Okay, okay. We can just keep...practicing.”

“Yes,” he agreed, tilting her head up and smooshing a kiss against her swollen lips.

Eventually, Rey pulled on one of Ben’s shirts and her panties and tiptoed back to her room to get her shower caddy and towel. Thirty minutes later, she was helping Ben put new sheets on his bed and then they cuddled on top of them while they watched a movie on Ben’s laptop, propped up precariously on the end of the mattress. Ben couldn’t stop kissing her--her hair, her neck, her hands--and she didn’t mind at all.

She snuggled against his side and sighed contently every twenty minutes, feeling like the bee’s fucking knees, all her stress gone,  _ released _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to keep up [on twitter](https://twitter.com/hunkbuster/status/1234878392182484994), we've still got a ways to go!


	15. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As promised, Rey goes with Ben to his family's Christmas party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really love writing family gatherings.

The house they pulled up in front of was one of those big old Victorian classics. Its walls were painted grape purple and the trim was a dull yellow. It had a big porch that went around the whole thing, rose three stories into the air and had an actual tower perched in one corner.

“Wow,” Rey said, once Ben let her out of his car. She had dressed as simply as she could in her slip dress, but she’d pulled on an embroidered blazer that Kaydel had let her borrow on top of it. It had metallic swirls of what looked like some sort of majestic bird on the back but she couldn't really tell. “Nice place.”

Ben was used to it, but he nodded. “Yep. Uncle Lando has had it for all my life. I spent last summer here when I was figuring my shit out.”

There were already cars in the driveway: his uncle Luke’s and his dad’s, meaning his parents had come together. His hands were already sweating when Rey took his, squeezing in reassurance. He smiled down at her, thankful that she was here with him. The house was covered in twinkling lights and he could see his small family gathered in the living room through one of the windows.

Rey held a tray of dorm-cooked brownies in one hand--she hoped they were edible, the oven timer had been broken--and walked beside Ben. “Remember, if you want to leave, just tell me and I can make an excuse,” she said as they got to the front door.

“Thank you,” he murmured, kissing her hair and then reaching for the door handle. Immediately there came barking from inside.

Ben let go of Rey’s hand as a fluffy labradoodle bounded toward then. “Hey, Chewie,” Ben laughed, scratching the dog’s ears and chest as Chewie tried to lick his face, nearly headbutting Ben more than once.

Rey snickered as she heard a “Ben?” from the living room to the left. Chewie found Rey more fun to sniff at and nuzzled at her free hand. She scratched his head as she followed Ben into the living room. 

The next few minutes was filled with introductions: Luke Skywalker, Ben’s uncle, Lando Calrissian, Ben’s uncle and Luke’s partner, Lando’s daughter, Jannah, and of course, Ben’s parents. Rey immediately liked Han Solo, his dad; he had a face that made it hard for her to think he was a bad person. She didn’t say anything when she met Leia, his mother, who was not what she was expecting. She was a smaller lady, dressed simply but her eyes were sharp and attentive. Rey was wary, for Ben’s sake, but Leia seemed to sense the tension and didn’t push anything beyond squeezing Ben’s upper arms and saying she was happy to see him.

Another twenty minutes later, after a house tour, Rey had a glass of wine in her hand and they already dug into her brownies, which were a hit. They all sat around a fully decorated living room, Chewie on the floor amid all the seats, chewing on a bone. Rey was determined not to leave Ben’s side and perched on his leg because there was no more room anywhere else.

Ben’s hand never left her waist. She had no idea the strength she gave him by just being here, talking everyone’s ears off. Han was supremely interested in Ben dating an athlete “of all types of people” he’d chuckled, and Rey went into a whole conversation about hockey and the games they’d played this semester already.

“How long have you guys been going out?” Jannah asked after a two second lull in conversation. She didn’t often see Ben, but she was probably his more sympathetic family member beyond Han. 

“A while,” Rey said, not determining if it was a long or short while. She could feel that Leia had things to say that she wasn’t saying; the woman’s face was easily readable right now. Rey tried to remember how long Ben said it had been since he saw his mom. Over a year at least. The last time he was home was the summer between sophomore and junior year…She could almost tell that there would be judgement if they’d only been dating for a few months.

“You look good together,” Lando said, which brought chuckles from almost everyone. “What? I call it like I see it.” He winked at Rey. She grinned. “Okay, enough of this catching up. We have Christmas traditions to do.”

Those traditions included a short scavenger hunt around the house for chocolate coins wrapped in gold foil: one for each person, including one for Rey. Rey found the first one. This was followed by games of backgammon and nibbling on the finger sandwich platter while you waited your turn to play the winner and occasionally sang along with the holiday tunes playing from the restored record player in the corner of the room.

The second game was between Han and Luke, who had won the first game against Lando. Everyone crowded around like it was a big sporting event. Rey leaned back into Ben, who had his arms around her, hands over her stomach. She could feel his heartbeat through her back. It wasn’t fast enough for her to worry about him getting stressed out by the situation, so she slipped away to find the bathroom while the game was still going.

Once she was done, she wandered toward the kitchen to find a glass of water, where she saw Leia standing by the sink, peering out into the dark night outside. Rey cleared her throat so Leia knew she was there.

“Oh, sorry, Rey, you caught me in my thoughts,” the older woman said, turning around to face her.

Rey gave her a small smile. “Didn’t mean to intrude.”

Leia watched her as she found a glass and went to the fridge to fill it. “What has Ben told you about me?”

Rey flinched. “Um...not much really.”

Leia waved a hand, dismissing that train of thought. “You seem like a very nice girl. Ben looks...well he looks very happy. I haven’t seen him…” she trailed off.

Rey sighed. She held her water glass in both hands, tapping the side of the glass with her palm. Rey realized that the words she's thought of months ago: "jealousy" and "possessiveness" had been, in fact, incorrect. What she was was inordinately protective. And she’d been going over everything Ben told him about her mom for days now.

She took a deep breath. “Ben has told me…a lot of what he’s been through,” she started, pausing at the island in the middle of the room and leaning against it. 

Leia crossed her arms, set her jaw, either ready to jump in and protest, or perhaps she was ready to listen. Maybe it was easier because it wasn’t Ben. Rey noticed that he hadn’t spoken directly to his mother beyond a greeting when they first arrived. “He’s talked to you about all of our drama, has he?”

Rey sighed, trying to keep her temper in check. She sipped some water and settled her gaze on Leia. If she was going to do this, she was going to do it properly. “Ben knows...well he can tell himself that you love him, but it’s easy to say and hard to accept. He can’t always separate his feelings from his actions which...which is why it’s hard for him to talk to you.” She paused, chewing on the inside of her cheek. She hoped it was okay she was saying this, but maybe if Leia could  _ understand _ , it would make things easier. “I know it’s hardly my place, but I know he wants to try with you, it may just take a long time.”

Leia pursed her lips and sipped at the wine in her hand. “You...you know him quite well.”

“Yes,” Rey said quickly.

“I hope you’re right. I admit, I...I have messed up in the past. Because of that, it’s hard to even try to get a toe into his world anymore.”

Rey smiled flatly, unsure how to take all of this.

“But maybe I’ve been going about this all wrong.”

“He thinks you abandoned him,” she blurted out. “When you sent him to all those boarding schools. Like you didn’t want him anymore. And he’s still working through that.” She gulped down some water before she said anything else.

Leia’s eyes softened with the hurtful blow. “If only one could undo past failures. Luke, my brother, he’d say that failure is a learning point but it feels pretty fucking hard to learn from it now.”

Rey’s eyes widened at the harsh curse word and found herself seeing a tiny bit of Ben in his mom just then. “You have the rest of your lives to figure it out. Just don’t...don’t dig into the things he’s done wrong. He’s done enough hurt to himself about all of that already. Maybe just talk to him about the weather,” she added wryly.

Leia chuckled a little bit and Rey moved to refill her glass. “You care about him a lot.”

“I do,” Rey replied instinctively, turning away from the fridge. She smiled, a little less harshly than before. “It was nice talking to you.” Glass in hand, she went and found Ben, who was in a battle with Jannah about who was going to play next. Rey set down her glass on the table, tucked her hand into his and gently tugged. With his attention on her, she nodded her head toward another room.

He followed her into the quintessential study room adjoining the living room. They stood just inside the doorway and Rey slipped her arms around his waist. “I just talked to your mom in the kitchen.”

The joy in his eyes, small as it was, fizzled out a little. “And how did that go?”

“I...I told her, I just told her about you and the reason it is hard for you to talk to her.” She paused, biting down on her lip. “I hope that’s okay,” she steamrolled forward, “I mean I assumed that you wouldn’t want to talk to her right now. But now she knows and maybe it will help her understand more about you. I didn’t get into any details. Tell me you’re not mad.” Her face grew more strained as she spoke, wondering if she royally fucked up.

Ben’s face did the opposite, softening as she spoke, relaxing. “How could I be?” He slipped one hand against her cheek and she leaned into his touch. “That’s more than anyone’s tried to do for me before.”

She smiled, just a little. “I just explained that it may take a while and she needs to give you space. I just...I wanted to do something. I didn’t want...I didn’t want a repeat of another birthday the next time she tried to talk to you.”

Ben understood. He really did. And he wanted to be able to talk to his mom without inducing an avalanche of irrational thoughts. He just didn’t know where to start. He would definitely talk to Kenobi about it, but for now, he had Rey, trying her hardest to make sure he was  _ safe _ . He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest. She gratefully accepted the embrace and ran her hands up and down his back.

“Thank you,” he murmured, just as his small family unit fell into exclamations as the game was won. Chewie barked to join in on the fun.

Rey stepped back from Ben, smiled dazzlingly, and gave him a quick kiss before they walked back out to join the fray.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember to follow on [the thread](https://twitter.com/hunkbuster/status/1234878392182484994) over on twitter!


	16. Skating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey sets up a date for her and Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this has kind of gotten boring but I'm trying to ramp things up! Hopefully you can still enjoy this cute date scene.

“I would have you close your eyes but you’d probably end up tripping and dying so let’s just not do that,” Rey said, tugging on Ben’s hand as they walked. 

“Okay,” Ben half laughed. “Are you going to just tell me what we’re doing then?”

“Skating.”

“Skating?”

“Ice skating.”

“That’s...that’s not fair,” Ben nearly groaned.

Rey grinned. “I want to! It’ll be fun. I promise I won’t laugh if you’re bad at it.”

“If this ends with an injury, it is entirely your fault.”

She pouted. “With that attitude you’re definitely gonna fall.” Animated as Ben had ever seen her, she jumped ahead of him, walking backward and flailing her arms around. “You need to think positive thoughts, remember to balance and find a nice rhythm.”

“I used to rollerblade a lot as a kid.”

“That’s good! Maybe you’ll have some muscle memory or something.”

Within five minutes they were in the practice rink. It was cold, and Rey had dressed appropriately in a big sweater over her thick leggings. She had insisted on Ben wearing a sweatshirt too and now he understood why. There was no one else inside but they did offer the rink to students and locals so there were plenty of rental skates behind the counter. Rey walked behind and found him a pair before leaving him to lace them up, going into the back to grab her own pair from the locker rooms.

“Need some help there?” she asked, sitting down next to him.

“It’s just laces right? Why are they so difficult,” Ben muttered, tugging at the laces in question.

Snickering, she got down to her knees in front of him and reached for the laces. Her eyes were down as she tugged around the thick cushioned tongue of the skate to get it into place and then yanked with all her might to tighten and lace them. Ben, not so innocently, was imagining her muscular arms under her sweater that he found really fucking sexy, and maybe thinking about her without the sweater at all, kneeling in front of him and--

“Okay,” Rey said, standing up quickly and dusting off her knees. “You shouldn’t twist an ankle or trip on a lace.” She settled next to him and pulled tight her own laces by muscle memory alone.

“Damn,” Ben said, shaking his head.

“What?”

“You can make literally anything sexy.”

Rey choked out a laugh and glanced over at him. “Do you need a cold shower?”

“It’s...it’s cold enough in here,” he said, which was true. He could almost see his breath in a puff in front of his face.

Rey stood, walking as easily on the thin blades as on her bare feet, and stopped in front of him. She leaned down and kissed him, holding his head between her hands. “Good because there’s no excuse that could get you out of skating with me. Plus, we have plenty of time for sex later.” She grinned and darted onto the ice.

It was no surprise that even when not barreling into other players, Rey was comfortable on the ice. She made it look as easy as walking, skating around the rink once and then skating backward, eyes on him.

“Come on, Ben, you’re missing out on all the cute movie moments we could be having!”

With a little more effort than she, he got onto the ice. It was a lot slipperier than he expected and he almost fell but he caught himself. 

“Just close your eyes and pretend you’re on the sidewalk or something,” Rey said, coming closer but keeping her distance, making a wide circle around him. “I can take your hand if you want.”

Ben huffed and tried. His motions were a bit stiff, but he didn’t fall and she found herself grinning. She wasn’t sure if he would actually humor her, but here he was, attempting to skate on ice and not doing that poorly.

“There you go,” she said, trying not to sound like a coach but it was hard not to.

“How do you do this all the time?” he asked.

“Practice,” she said, coming up beside and keeping pace with his slower movements as they made their way around the rink. “How do you think my legs are so strong?”

“Mmmm, so I have the ice to thank,” he said, shooting a look over at her.

She wanted to shove him but didn’t want him to fall so she just shrugged, speeding up and skating backward in front of him, leg over leg as they went around a curve. “Yeah. I mean one of the girls on the team, Jessika, she’s been skating since she was like three and her thighs are so big she can’t cross her legs. Which...um...I’m not sure why I just told you but now you can compliment her legs when you meet her.”

Ben chuckled. “I doubt she’d want some random guy complimenting her legs.”

“She wouldn’t hate it,” Rey chuckled. She spun around now that Ben seemed to have the hang of things. “I’m gonna hold your hand now. Don’t fall over.”

He held out his arm and then his other for balance, windmilling for a moment. She gently took his hand, her arm also out to from her side to give him space. 

“Come on, this is fun, right?”

“It’s not  _ not _ fun.” Ben’s eyes slid over to her. “I can see why you like it.”

“It’s like any other athlete says...it’s just them and the ice, or the court, or the field, and everything else falls away.” Rey tilted her head back, eyes closed, smiling and Ben marveled at the fact that she somehow didn’t crash into him doing so and also how peaceful she looked. 

“I can see it.”

She straightened her posture and squeezed his hand. “I just wanted to share a little bit of this with you.”

“Thank you. It’s great. My legs will probably be hating me tomorrow but.”

“They will. I’m sorry. But we can just….stay in bed all day.”

Ben grinned. “I’d be okay with that.”

They made another round around before Ben asked, “So um….how do you stop in these things?”

Rey laughed, the sound filling the empty rink. “Um...you can just crash into me, if you want,” she offered. “Or a wall. Or I could teach you to stop.”

“So many options,” Ben huffed out. He was feeling warmer than before, but he could tell his hands and face were cold to the touch. “I like the one where I get to touch you.”

Rey grinned and squeezed his hand. “So we’ll slow down before you bowl me over and end up slicing something open,” she said, slowing their pace and moving them toward the middle of the ice.

“If you make me fall,” Ben warned.

“Nope.” She gripped his hand and swung him around toward her as she turned her ankles and stopped their forward motion. He easily moved across the ice and bumped into her. “Hello.”

“That wasn’t as disastrous as I thought it was gonna be,” Ben said, slipping his arms around her, sliding his cold hands under her sweater and pressing them against the shirt she wore underneath.

She shivered. “Not so bad,” she agreed. They moved a bit backward before she stopped them both, her hands on his shoulders. “Thanks for coming with me.”

“Anything for you,” he said, leaning down. She met him halfway, kissing him briefly. “Ughh how are you warm right now?”

Rey smiled. “I’m used to it. You’re like a popsicle.” She ran her hands across his shoulders and upper arms quickly, trying to warm him up. “I thought guys were supposed to run hot.”

“Not this one.”

“I guess we’ll just have to warm you up then,” she teased, guiding them over to the gate in the wall. 

He managed once again not to trip getting off the ice, which meant that the whole date was successful. 

“I’m just gonna….” She shot back across the ice and glided along so quickly Ben was sure she would crash, but she never did. She stretched her arms above her head and darted around, sometimes on one leg even and he watched, mouth hanging open a little. He wasn’t so profoundly skilled at  _ anything _ and she was majestic to look at.

Finally, once her need to skate was satiated, she got off the ice, breathing a little heavy and plopped down on the bench next to him. “Sorry,” she said, breathless.

“It’s perfectly okay. You look beautiful out there. Radiant. I usually don’t get to see it since you wear a helmet.”

“Yes I like to keep my face as it is,” she said, pulling off her skates. “I like my teeth where they are too.”

“Do you think you’ll keep going? I mean, after college? Is there a professional women’s hockey league?”

“There is,” Rey said, shoving her feet back into her trainers. “But I don’t know. I really want to do something with my degree but...I have a lot of time to think about it.”

“Yeah,” Ben said. “Yeah, yeah. You have a lot of time. I was just curious.”

“Hockey is the only reason I’m in the US so I have a lot to thank it for.” She leaned over and nudged him with her shoulder. “C’mon, let’s go get warm.” She stood and offered him her hand. He took it, snagging a kiss on the way to his feet.


	17. Suspension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's anger gets the better of her and shit metaphorically hits the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *adds a pinch of drama*

The main admin building was on the far northwest campus, but Ben was just leaving class when he got Rey’s text so he walked over. It was all red brick and black accents, wrought iron details and black shutters over the curved windows. Inside it was warm and cozy, everything dark wood.

Ben spotted Rey right away, sitting on an ottoman pressed against a wall. He also noticed Bazine, looking not only disheveled, but also bruised, sitting on the opposite side of the lobby. Ben froze for a moment, putting together a worst case scenario.

Rey was leaning back against the wall beneath a painting in a heavy frame, eyes closed, ignoring the phone at her side whose lock screen was filled with notifications.

Ben hitched his backpack over one shoulder and walked over to his girlfriend. “Rey,” he said once he was close. She opened her eyes and slid over to give him room to sit down. “What happened?”

“So I need you to convince Bazine not to press charges against me.”

“For what?” Ben asked, already anticipating the answer.

Rey avoided looking at him. “Assault charges. If she goes forward, I get kicked off the team, out of the school, and I have to go back to England.” The words left her in a rush and they hit Ben like a tidal wave.

“What...what did you do?” he asked, a whisper. He glanced across the room at Bazine, who was both pretending to ignore him,  _ them _ , and also kept glancing at them.

“I punched her,” Rey said, looking at her nails. “And also hit her with a textbook in the face…”

Ben sat back and ran a hand through his hair. “Why?”

Rey glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “I think you can pretty much guess.”

She seemed so calm about this, like it wasn’t a big deal even though it was. She’d just said it was. She could get kicked out of the country.

Ben sighed with his whole body.

“She asked for it,” Rey muttered, crossing her arms and glaring across the room at the other woman.

“And was it worth it? To be here right now, wondering if you’re getting kicked out of school?”

Rey deflated a little. “I don’t know yet.”

Pressing his lips into a thin line, Ben stood, leaving his bag with Rey, and crossed the room. Bazine’s arms were crossed and she turned away from him until he sat down opposite her in an identical high backed chair. Her eyes settled on him then and he saw that there was bruising under her eye and creeping along the bottom of her jaw and what looked like blood that hadn’t quite been wiped away from her chin and nose.

“So, what did you say this time?” Ben asked finally since she wasn’t going to start.

“Only the truth.”

“Only what you perceive as the truth,” Ben corrected, not wanting to have this confrontation but not wanting to lose Rey. And he felt like he would, if she left the country. Whatever they had was new and mildly fragile despite everything they’d already gone through.

Bazine huffed, then winced. “I may have gone a little overboard.”

“Mmmm.” Ben waited for her to continue. This was weird, trying to have a conversation with her. The last time they’d talked he’d been in the hospital and she’d told him he was just going to keep fucking up his life and her life and she didn’t want to deal with it. And the last time they’d seen each other? He’d been so fucked up about what she said, worried about Rey’s reaction to it, that he hadn’t been able to say a single word.

“But she didn’t have to fucking punch me,” Bazine continued. “She should have just told me off.”

“You don’t know her,” Ben said shortly.

“I’ve never been punched before. Or smashed in the face by a book. What is this, a fucking cartoon?” She closed her eyes for a moment, touching her jaw, remembering the way her head snapped back when Rey uppercut her with a two inch thick textbook. She’d fallen flat on her ass, head spinning, nose and mouth bleeding, and Rey standing over her. She’d been sure Rey was gonna kick her but the other girl didn’t get a chance before the tiny skirmish had been broken apart by two professors on their way to lunch.

And here they were.

“Are you going to press charges against her?” Ben asked, nudging the conversation in the right direction.

“I should. Armie says I should too.” She glanced at the phone in her hand.

“Are you?” Ben pushed.

Her bright blue eyes, rimmed with extremely smudged black eyeliner, flickered over to Rey and then back at him.

“She’ll get kicked out of school.”

Bazine scoffed. “And why should I care?”

Ben frowned. “We used to be friends once. And you said it yourself, you instigated this.”

She picked at a loose thread on the hem of her lace sleeves, glanced at her phone and then to Ben. Fucking Ben Solo and his fucking puppy dog eyes. She waited a long time to answer, her face aching with each passing moment. “Fuck you, Ben. Fine. I won’t press charges against your feral fucking girlfriend.” She glared at him, refusing to show any compassion.

Ben gave her a flat smile and then returned to Rey’s side. “She won’t press charges.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Rey relaxed a little. “I don’t know what’s going to happen but at least I can stay.”

Ben squeezed her leg just as an admin worker came in to call Rey and Bazine in for one final statement to the president herself.

“I’ll wait,” Ben said as Rey stood. She gave him a small smile and she and Bazine disappeared up the staircase. Ben waited. The lobby stayed empty until twenty minutes later when Hux walked in. He spotted Ben and walked up to him immediately. Ben didn’t bother standing.

“You should put a leash on your girlfriend, Solo.”

“She’s not an animal.”

Hux hesitated. “I hope she gets kicked out.”

“She won’t. Bazine isn’t gonna charge her.”

His face turned red. “But I told her to…”

“Yeah, well.” Ben shrugged, not wanting to engage any more than he had to.

It sort of worked. Hux muttered some more shit and then proceeded to pace in front of the crackling fireplace.

By the time the girls came back down the stairs Ben was ready to leave. Hux’s constant mumbling and pacing was starting to drive him crazy. He carried Rey’s bag and his own and handed her her phone, which had continued to blow up while she was meeting with the president.

“God I’m shaking,” Rey muttered, shoving her phone in her jeans pocket, not wanting to even look at it. 

Ben took one of her hands.

“Are you...are you mad at me?” Rey asked, thankful they were walking side by side so she didn’t have to look at him.

“Not mad,” Ben replied. “I uh...I dunno.”

“I haven’t hit anyone in years. Okay, like two years, but still.  _ Years _ .”

“What did she say, exactly?”

Rey huffed out a breath. “She said that you were just using me and that you’d drag me down with you when you started down your old path again.”

Ben almost laughed. “That’s what she said when she broke up with me. Wow…”

“She wasn’t nice about it either. She said that she couldn’t believe I was stupid enough to stay with you. And...other things about how you’d slip and I’d have to…” She paused with a shudder. “It kind of all blurs together.” She frowned a little, keeping some of the harsher things to herself. The details Bazine spat at her about finding him overdosed, the nights of drunken Ben and high Ben and everything in between.

Ben squeezed her hand. “I don’t think she’ll ever talk to you again.”

“Good.” Rey leaned a little against him as they walked. The admin building was clear across campus from Jakku. She was a little worried about what Ben thought about the whole thing, wondering if perhaps it would create a rift between them that would continue to crack. “I got suspended.”

“Shit. For the whole season?”

“No. Just the next four games. I can go to practice to watch but I have to actually practice on my own time.” She rubbed her face with her free hand. “At least I’ll have time to catch up on homework now.”

Ben didn’t say anything but he pulled her to his side, arm going around her shoulders. She accepted his wordless response, her arm going around his waist and they walked slowly back to the dorm.


	18. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's been having a tough time with this suspension thing.
> 
> Good thing Ben is tall, gentle, and understanding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all know the drill.
> 
> I haven't posted the link to the twitter thread in a while so [here you go](https://twitter.com/hunkbuster/status/1234878392182484994).

By the time Rey knocked softly on Ben’s door on Sunday afternoon, he was exhausted. The weekend was already turning into a tumultuous event. Rey was cooping herself up in her room, listening to the play-by-play announcements of the games she was prohibited from going to, eating up the rest of her time by going to the gym or trying to focus on her homework but failing. Ben had nothing else to do but stay in his room and Rey had been taking full advantage of that.

This time, when he answered and she said hi and started kissing him, he took her shoulders and pushed her back firmly. “I think I’m the first college age dude in existence to say this but I can’t have sex with you again,” he said, getting it out of the way. It wasn’t exactly what he’d thought about saying, but the words were out there now.

Rey frowned, tilting her head to the side. “ _ Okay _ . Sorry, am I wearing you out?”

Short answer, yes. She had already thrown herself into his bed five times since Friday and while it was great, felt great, etc, it was starting to feel a little…

“I know you’re going through some stuff right now,” Ben said, trying to figure out how to say this right. “But I kind of feel like...you’re uh...using me.”

“Using you.”

“As a distraction.”

“So what if I am?"

“So…” Ben ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t um...I feel like you’re  _ just _ using me for sex. I don’t really feel like your boyfriend right now.”

Rey could have answered something about guys usually not complaining about having sex with their girlfriends, but her brain, currently all over the place, did not view his confession that way. Instead, his words reached farther past the surface and flipped a switch she’d been metaphorically piling chairs and books under so it wouldn’t flip. And now it was turned on, letting everything in.

“Oh God,” she said, walking around him and sitting down hard on his desk chair. She leaned forward, elbows digging into her knees, hands clutching at her hair. “You’re right. I’m such a shitty girlfriend. Person, in general.”

“Hey,” Ben said, crouching down in front of her, running his hands reassuringly along her arms. “None of that.”

She grumbled and squeezed her eyes shut. “I almost...I could have royally fucked my life up. Over some stupid bitch in a corset. Probation has just been a nightmare, but it hasn’t hit me yet. I mean, maybe it did and here I am, fucking you and trying not to think about it.”

“Ahh…”

She sat back, eyes wide, hair a mess. “I could have...I could have been kicked off the team. And out of school. And if I were, the terms of my student VISA would mean I’d have to go back to England.” Her eyes settled on him, brimming with tears. “I would have had to leave you.”

And then the tears started.

She covered her face with her hands and he gathered her up in his arms, pulling her to her feet. 

“I don’t even have a home,” she choked out against his chest. “If--if I go back I have nothing. No one.”

Ben held her tighter and stroked her hair. She clung to him and cried herself out until she felt lighter. Still with her head spinning, but lighter, like everything she’d been holding inside for the past week was gone. Which, she supposed, it was. The consequences of her actions came crashing down and now that she could breathe, she could face them properly.

Once she settled down, she nuzzled her face into his warm, soft shirt, and his hands loosened their hold, rubbing circles on her back and curling around her neck, fingers tangled in her hair. Eventually, he spoke.

“Feeling better?”

“Yes,” she croaked out. She didn’t want to leave but she did, distancing herself from him and stepping out into the hall to drink from the water fountain across from his room. Her hands shook when she pressed the button on the side. Once back, she felt a little shy, a little pathetic even. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“I mean...I mean for this past week. I’ve barely talked to you about anything. I should have just talked to you.” She bit her bottom lip and walked toward him, letting her head bump into his chest and just staying there, crossed arms between them.

“You can talk to me now.”

Rey slid her arms around him and squeezed before stepping back. She sat in her usual spot in his moon chair, legs pulled up and crossed beneath her. Ben sat in his desk chair, dragged to face her. “So I won’t apologize for sleeping with you but I am sorry that you felt like I was just using you,” she started, keeping her eyes on him. She liked looking at him when she talked to him most of the time; he had an easy face to read, so she could always tell what he was feeling, at least on the surface level.

“That’s why I said something. I knew you weren’t as fine as you’ve been pretending to be.”

Rey clasped her hands with their recently painted nails together in her lap. She’d gone through more nailpolish with Kaydel in the past week than she had all last semester. “I guess not. I didn’t want to think about…” She paused, breathing deeply. “I don’t do well when I disappoint people.”

“It’s never easy.”

“I hate it. I hate not knowing the right things, or doing the wrong things, and having to face it. Which is why I try really hard  _ not _ to do or say the wrong things but it happens and then I do this.”

“Which is?”

“Pretend it’s fine and it’s not eating me up inside.”

Ben’s whole demeanor softened. He sat forward and took her hands in his. “I wish you’d talked to me.”

“I didn’t...I’ve never had anyone to talk to. About anything really, until I got here. I’m not used to it.”

He rubbed his thumbs over her skin. “Well, I’m here now. I um...I’m sorry if I made you feel like I really didn’t want to see you after everything that happened.”

She shook her head, sitting forward. “It’s okay. I figured that I freaked you out. I told you before that I tend to lash out...at others. I didn’t think it would ever actually happen here.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “It won’t happen again.”

“I’m not the biggest fan of casual violence,” Ben admitted. “Or really any.”

She nodded. “I’m sorry. I really am. I’m just glad you still want me. I mean...you’ve been very good at keeping me distracted the past few days.”

“I only minded a little bit,” Ben teased, getting a smile out of her. His face brightened to match. He loved making her smile.

“Can I still stay here? For a little while?”

“Yeah.”

“Can we cuddle?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

She smiled a little wider. A minute later they were on his bed, pillows piled up, Rey curled into his side, her leg thrown over his. Ben had brought a book up for class that he had to read and he held it in one hand. Rey didn’t mind, settling down and listening to his steady heart and breathing. It calmed her down and she eventually dozed off.


	19. Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finally has a moment to talk to Ben.

They got back from their trip after lunch. Rey was still feeling off center from the previous night and Kaydel kept watching her with a close eye. They stopped by for lunch--Rey could always eat, thank god, even when her mind was elsewhere and she felt a little hollowed out inside--and then dropped Rey and Kaydel off at the dorm before distributing the rest of the girls to their off-campus apartments and Canto House.

Kaydel kept her arm around Rey as they walked inside and up the stairs. Someone from another floor laughed loudly and rushed down the stairs, nearly colliding with them. Kay snapped at them but they were already heading downstairs. Kay propped Rey up against their door frame and unlocked their shared room.

“Come on, babe,” Kay said, hooking her arm around Rey’s.

“I need to see Ben,” Rey said, her first words since they got to the hotel last night after a disastrous dinner.

“You need to shower first. We both smell like gross travel sweat.” Kay wrinkled her nose.

Rey sniffed her shirt and grimaced. “You’re right,” she sighed, defeated. She showered quickly, stepping out before Kay and getting back to the room to dress alone. She pulled on leggings and a t-shirt and towel dried her hair before Kaydel got back. She didn’t even make sure she had her key before she padded down the hall and knocked lightly before twisting the handle to Ben’s door.

It swung open, revealing Ben sitting in the moon chair, calm music playing from his laptop on his desk. The window was open, filling the room with fresh, crisp air.

“Ben,” she said softly, feeling equally relaxed and tense. It was like her body was at war with itself.

“Hey,” he said, setting aside the book in hand. Before he could stand, she was in front of him, collapsing into his lap, face buried in his neck, arms shoved around his torso. Her body shook but she wasn’t crying, she was just exhausted, emotionally worn thin.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she muttered against his skin.

Ben, empathetic as he was, was able to tell that this was serious and he could put aside his negative digs about their relationship for a while. Because they didn’t  _ have _ a relationship if both parties weren’t balanced. “Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he said, holding her close, thankful that he got the metal frame to his chair and not the wooden or plastic one that would probably have collapsed under their combined weight.

“It’s not. I said I would be here for you and I wasn’t.”

“You’re here now.”

“I feel like a ghost.”

Frowning, Ben gently took her shoulders and moved her back. Her face did look particularly thin, her freckles standing out dark across her nose and cheeks. She also looked like she hadn’t slept at all. “What happened?” he murmured, brushing hair away and caressing her face with his fingers.

“I...Kaydel thinks it was a panic attack.” She would have blushed from embarrassment if she wasn’t exhausted. “But whatever it was wrung me out. I feel so empty.”

“Rey…” Ben’s eyes were full of concern. “What’s been going on?”

“Everything.” She sighed shakily. “Semis this weekend. Championship in two weeks if we make it. And midterms next week. Four exams.”

“You need to sleep.” Ben didn’t wait for her to object--she wouldn’t have anyway--and gently picked her up in his arms. He brought her over to his bed, perfectly made as always, and she crawled onto it, collapsing on the mattress and pulling a pillow under her.

“Stay with me,” she said, eyes already closed and voice already sleepy.

Ben turned off the harsh overhead light before he crawled in next to her. She sighed and scooted back toward him once he was in place. He curled around her small form, head filled with worry and questions as he let her sleep.

He eventually dozed off too, waking a few hours later, groggy as fuck and dry mouthed. Rey was still there, hardly moved from her position. Ben got off the bed and drank some water and went to refill the bottle. When he returned, Rey stirred, turning onto her back and stretching.

Ben leaned over and tucked the bottle into the corner of the bed and then crawled back up, settling himself on top of her, his knees by her waist, sitting back on his heels.

“Hello,” she said, eyes slitted open.

“Hello,” he echoed.

She lifted her hands to his legs, barely touching the fabric of his pants before she dropped them and started scooting to the side. Ben lay back beside her, the both of them barely fitting shoulder to shoulder. Rey’s hand found his and she laced their fingers together.

“So what’s been going on?” Ben asked.

Rey sighed, eyes at the ceiling. “So much. The girls have been wanting to spend more time together before the season ends so there’s fun time with them and also studying at the library is apparently something they do every spring semester.”

“Sounds nice though.”

“It is. And then...well classes. I told you I’m taking two civil engineering classes now. One of them is a sophomore level so it’s hard. I mean it’s harder than I expected for this first year. And the other classes are okay, but that one is really kicking my ass.”

Ben made a noncommittal agreement, playing with their hands, his fingers winding their way around hers like a cat chasing a mouse.

“And of course I’m still...I’m still on thin ice thanks to my suspension. Coach Tano and Offee both have been having meetings with me about what happened.” She sighed and put her free wrist to her forehead. “It’s a lot.”

“And then there’s me.”

“And then there’s you. My favorite part of it all. But the one that I know I’ve been neglecting.” She turned her head a little so she could see one of his eyes, her eyes tracing over the profile of his nose and his lips. “I don’t want to be.”

“I know you don’t.”

“How did things go with your mom?”

“Pretty good. We didn’t argue. I didn’t want to drink or smoke or punch anything when I got back to the dorm.” At this, Rey squeezed his hand. “I talked about my calligraphy class. Dad asked about you so I told him about how your season’s been going so well. It wasn’t as long as I know Mom wanted to visit, but I knew if I stayed longer things could have...gone bad.”

“I’m so glad, Ben. When I realized I’d mistakenly planned two things on the same night I...I freaked out.”

“The panic attack?” he asked gently.

“Yes. We were out eating dinner when I remembered. Kaydel followed me into the bathroom. It was the worst half hour of my life. I couldn’t control anything, I could barely breathe.”

“Rey…”

“I’d rather not talk about it too much,” she said, taking in a sharp breath. Their hands fell back to the tiny bit of space between them. 

“I didn’t realize you were so stressed out.”

“Neither did I, apparently.” She tried smiling. It was pale in comparison to her usual grins. “And I still have to get my shit together to study.”

“Yep.”

“Did you let me sleep long?”

“A couple hours. You were out cold.”

“I didn’t sleep last night.”

“I thought so. Do you want to study today or leave it for tomorrow and Friday and the weekend?”

“I have games this weekend. But one is here so I’ll be around in the mid-morning to study. I really shouldn’t put it off though.”

“Okay. I’ve got an open schedule.”

“Can we just...can we just stay here for a while first?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course we can.”

Rey thanked him and turned onto her side to cuddle into him. He obliged and they settled together all twisted around each other like a pretzel. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we can all agree that Ben Solo is the best boyfriend ever.


	20. The Breakup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey breaks up with Ben.
> 
> D':

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was super emotional to write, I think I was crying the whole time.

Rey walked around for a good half hour outside before she was calm enough to unclench her fists and walk back into the building. Well, she tried walking back into the building but in her haste to leave she’d forgotten her ID and had to peer through the window in the door and knock frantically when someone walked by so they would open it for her.

Someone did, eventually, and she stepped inside, hovering in the lobby.

She shouldn’t go back to her bedroom. She doubted that Ben had texted back. Tears pricked the back of her eyes as she stood there and she ran her hands over her face as she headed toward the stairs.

The three flights of steps had never felt longer. She walked past her dorm door and glanced at the one across the hall. Finn and Poe’s door was closed--a rarity--so there was nowhere else she could go. Taking a deep breath, she walked the few yards down the hall to Ben’s room. 

She stood outside for a good five minutes willing herself to knock. Maybe he wouldn’t be in. Or maybe he would and he would just quickly accept her breaking up with him and let her go so she could cry herself into pieces in her own room. A hundred different possibilities flashed through her mind and she was about to turn right around and go back to her room when the door opened.

Rey stepped back at the sound of the lock clicking, not sure if she could look him in the eye without crying and she was not very good at crying and talking at the same time. “Why are you ignoring me?” she said, glancing up from the floor and noticing for the first time that his chest was bare. “Can you put a shirt on?”

“I’m doing laundry,” Ben said after a moment’s hesitation, but he did retreat into his room. (How could he be doing  _ laundry  _ when she was trying to break up with him?) He grabbed the only clean thing left in his reach which was a hoodie. It was almost too warm for it but he yanked it on over his head anyway.

Rey walked into his room, not wanting to do this in the middle of the hallway. The space between them, just a few feet, felt vast. She crossed her arms, tucking her hands under her upper arms. She said nothing, trying to find the words.

“Are you going to break up with me?” Ben offered after a while, the silence stretched thin between them.

Her eyes snapped to his when he spoke. A part of her thought he wasn’t taking this seriously, like he was being difficult on purpose, but the look in his dark eyes told her differently. He didn’t want this, his eyes were screaming at her to not go, to say anything else. But how could she?

“Yes.” The word stuck in her throat but she got it out.

Ben’s shoulders hunched in disappointment, in hurt. “Are you gonna tell me why?”

She sniffed, her eyes glossy with unshed tears. “I can’t handle it. I can’t...have a relationship going on top of everything else. It’s just too much for me. I have to sacrifice something and...and you’re the easiest thing.” The lie stung as it left her lips. This was the hardest thing to do. She felt raw inside, like someone had punched her from the inside out all over her body. 

Ben took in a shaky breath, trying not to focus on the feeling welling up in his chest. He was being tossed aside  _ again _ , unwanted, not needed. But he wasn’t going to just let this happen. Not this time. Not without a fight. “Am I? Because I think I’ve been pretty accommodating. You’ve hardly been around and I’m still here. I haven’t tried to take up all your time, I’ve given you space.” He paused, going for a low blow because maybe it was the only way to get through to her. “And I don’t think you’d be crying right now if this was the easiest choice.”

Rey gasped and touched her face, cheeks damp with tears. She scrubbed at her face and blinked more tears out of her eyes, swiping them away with her fingers. “It’s not...I know...you’ve been.” She stuttered around, unable to find what she wanted to say. This wasn’t playing out as she expected. She tried to harden her eyes, to give herself strength for this.

“I haven’t  _ forced _ you to hang out with me when you’ve been so busy,” Ben continued. “So you can’t say that this is too much. I haven’t been a burden to you.”

No, he hadn’t. Rey wiped her cheeks again and wrapped her arms so tightly around her ribs she thought she could hear them creak.

“So there’s something else going on here. Are you gonna tell me what it is?”

It was all  _ too much, _ is what it was. Rey wasn’t used to having to lay her emotions on the line. She wasn’t used to settling somewhere, getting close to people; it wasn’t part of her life until she came here. “Okay fine,” she snapped finally, when he kept pushing, prodding. “You’re leaving.”

“What?”

“You’re...you’re graduating in like two months and then who the fuck knows where you’ll be or what you’ll be doing. And I’ll be  _ here _ .” The tears flowed freely now and she could feel her chest grow tighter as she tried to remember to breathe. “I...it’s easier to stop this now before it gets hard. Harder.  _ Fuck _ .” She covered her face in her hands, telling herself to breath and to not start sobbing. She’d have plenty of time for that later.

“Ah.  _ That _ ’s what this is all about?”

“Yes,” Rey snapped. She dropped her hands. “I’m used to being left behind by people who don’t care about me, I can’t do it with someone who loves me.” Her words didn’t come out quite as harshly as she wanted. 

“If you would have just talked to me about this…” Ben heaved a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. “If we could have just talked about what you were feeling…”

“What? We could have just figured something out? Everyone says that but it never works.”

“Rey…” Ben grumbled into his own hands, running them over his face. “I’m not graduating.”

“What?”

“I mean, I am, but not in two months.”

She blinked at him.

“I had to make up for my fuck ups last spring. I’m staying another semester in the fall.”

Rey’s face slowly formed into a frown. “But...that doesn’t change anything. What about the summer? The whole summer? I can’t...I can’t do that.” She stepped back since somehow the space between them had gotten smaller.

“Why not? Rey, just...talk to me. We can figure this out.”

She stepped back again. “I can’t...I can’t even if…” She huffed. “Even if you’re here next semester, the summer is so long. And what about after you graduate?” She shook her head. “College relationships...they don’t last forever. We never talked...about this before, so I figured you didn’t care.”

“I do care, Rey. Look, I have...I can’t ask you to stay with me if you really don’t want to but I want to at least try. And I have plans. For the future. Because of you.”

She swallowed, her throat dry. “How? Why?”

“Because I love you. Like...fuck, Rey, like nothing I could ever have hoped. I didn’t know this type of thing actually existed outside of books. Don’t you feel it?”

She did. It was like the universe had pushed them together, like her soul was part of his soul and they’d finally found each other. But that didn’t always mean that things would work out. She had to be realistic about it. “I do...I do love you,” she said, the tears coming again. She hiccuped and rammed the heels of her hands into her eyes.

“I’d never thought of what I’d do after college. I didn’t really have anything in mind, nor was I in the right frame of mind to even process graduating.” He was on a roll now, the words tumbling out like a waterfall. “But then I met you and you had so much drive and you know what you want all the time. And my friends...hell they’ve got all this shit planned and I'm still just trying to get my head on straight.”

She couldn’t say anything, but she did lower her hands so she could look at him through blurry vision.

“But I finally figured it out. I want to...I want to be with you, like forever.”

A sob slipped out from her and she covered her mouth with her hand.

“And grad school exists. Here, at this school. There’s an MFA program where I can start teaching English classes in high school in a year and I can  _ be here _ in Chandrila while you’re still in school.”

While talking, he’d started walking. And there he stopped, right in front of her.

“I--I.” Rey squeezed her eyes shut and took a few deep breaths before opening them again. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t break up with me,” Ben said softly. “Please.”

“I didn’t ask you to...to build up your future around me.” She was trying to, desperately despite every part of her protesting, cling to her original reason for being here. 

“I know you didn’t. I did it anyway. Because I want to be with you.”

“But the summer,” she said, trying to find any reason,  _ any _ reason. “I don’t think I can...I know I can’t deal with a long distance thing.”

“Who said anything about long distance?”

“I did.”

“Are you going back to England?”

“No. I’m...I’ve been given permission to stay in Canto House for most of it and I’ll be spending time with Kaydel and Rose and…”

“Good. That’s great.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah. I’m staying here too. At Uncle Lando’s. He spends most of his summer with Luke traveling and I’ve stayed at his house before.”

Rey blinked, her brain slow to process. It was still stuck in break up mode. She frowned. “But…”

“But…” Ben asked, wanting to reach out and touch her but not wanting to accidentally ruin anything.

“I...what does that mean?”

“It means that we don’t have to break up. I don’t want to.”

“But...I’ve been such a shitty girlfriend for months.”

“I don’t care. You’ve been going through shit and...and as long as you’ll have me, we can work through it.”

“Can we?”

“Yes. Do you want to?”

“I…” Rey clasped her hands together at the base of her throat, still trying to play catchup with the conversation. Ben was...he was here, he was staying in Chandrila, not only for her but for himself too. She didn’t have to feel guilty about bringing him down and making him stay somewhere he didn’t want to be, with someone he didn’t want to be with. She’d been aggressive, distant and all over the place recently and he hadn’t even thought about breaking up with her. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you won’t break up with me.”

Rey swallowed and looked up at him, feeling as vulnerable as a flower in a tornado right now. “I don’t want to break up with you Ben. I just don’t know how to...how to keep going.”

“We can figure it out.” She nodded and it was as close to a yes that he was going to get given her emotional state so he would take it. “Good. Can I hug you now?”

She nodded again and let herself be wrapped up in his arms. She was stiff at first, still reeling, but she eventually relaxed and put her own arms around him, clinging to his hoodie and crying softly into his chest. Ben wiped a couple of stray tears from his own face amid rubbing her back and stroke her hair, gently massaging her neck with his fingertips and holding her close.

“I love you, Rey,” Ben murmured, cheek pressed against the top of her head.

She trembled, moving closer until as much of them as possible was touching. “I love you more than anything,” she said, barely a whisper. “I don’t know how I convinced myself it would be easy to let you go.”

“It’s a good thing I inherited my stubbornness from both of my parents.” He squeezed her just a little. “I’ll...I’ll put everything into this if you want me to.”

“I do. I will too. I will.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me through all this! We're in the homestretch. Keep a look out in [the thread](https://twitter.com/hunkbuster/status/1234878392182484994) on twitter for the rest!


	21. Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben asks the big one :')

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are folks! (Nearly) the end! These two crazy kids. I love them so much.

Rey was already teary after reading the letter Ben left for her. Because it wasn’t just a quick note--which he did often, folding a small piece of paper in half and leaving it for her around their home to find--but an actual letter in his steady hand. At the end, he said for her to come out of the bedroom. 

After blinking her eyes clear, she stood, not bothering to put on clothes, the blue towel wrapped securely around her chest. She held the soft paper in her hands as she walked out of the bedroom.

Their flat was small, just about all they could afford on her junior engineer and his teacher salaries, but it was filled with  _ them _ . Photos of them, their friends and family littered all flat surfaces, bookshelves took up all unused wall space, the furniture was worn and soft and all could hold at least two since Rey had a habit of sitting in his lap at any given instance. Rey’s two championship metals from CU were hung and framed in the smallest corner where no bookshelf could fit. There were fresh flowers in a vase in a strange little cutout between the living room and kitchen--from Rey to Ben, since she loved plants but killed them instantly and he had a green thumb and thoroughly enjoyed getting brought home flowers freshly cut from a cart that sat by Rey’s work building.

And in the middle of it all was Ben, dressed in black slacks and a black button down, hair longer than it had been in a while. Somehow, over the past few years, he’d gotten even  _ bigger _ . But he was just as gentle and kind as ever. Even after nearly six years--four college years and the last two had flown by with them settling into careers and a  _ life _ together, the latter of which was the easiest thing in the world--her heart still fluttered and she still got butterflies when she saw him.

And now, he looked a little nervous, which made Rey tilt her head to the side and place the papers down on the table behind the couch.

“Hello there,” she said, a smile playing on her face. “That letter was really beautiful. Thank you.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” Ben replied, his own smile appearing. He ran a hand through his hair and took a step toward her. “I think I uh...think I used up all of my best words for it.”

Rey’s eyebrows furrowed in mild confusion. “What’s all this about? I thought you were staying late to go over first assignments and--”

“I lied,” he interrupted. “I’m sorry. You know I don’t lie.”

“I know,” she assured him softly.

“Okay so…” He paused and cleared his throat and stepped closer, taking her hands in his. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she couldn’t help saying.

His shoulders relaxed and he rubbed his thumbs on the back of her hands. “I just...I don’t know, maybe I should have done something differently, something bigger, but I wanted this to be just you and me, together.”

“Do what, exactly?”

“Oh, right.” Ben cleared his throat and stepped back a little and...

went down on one knee.

Rey couldn’t help the tiny gasp that escaped her lips. “ _ Ben… _ ”

“Rey, I couldn’t imagine my life without you. Literally. You’ve inspired me to make it to this point in my life and I’d be lost without you by my side. I um…” He paused and pulled something out of his pocket. It was a small velvet bag. Tilting it, a small ring slid into his palm, golden with a small oval diamond and two accent stones the same color as her eyes.

Rey’s eyes filled with tears and her hands went to her mouth.

“I used up all my good words in the letter, remember?” He chuckled, looking up at her and trying very hard not to mess this up. “Would you like to marry me?”

“Would I?” Rey repeated. “Yes! Absolutely. Ben, oh my god.” She was shaking and he nearly sank to the ground in relief. He pushed the ring onto her left ring finger and stood. 

Rey realized that perhaps she should have changed her clothes and ran a brush through her rats nest of post-shower hair, but Ben looked at her like she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen in his entire life. 

She cried and he kissed her and wrapped his arms around her. The kiss didn’t last long and Rey pulled him in for a proper hug, making him bend down so she could wrap her arms around his neck. He picked her up and twirled her around. She laughed and his smile pressed against her neck.

Settling her down finally, he looked into her eyes and gently caressed her cheek. “I didn’t think I could ever be this happy.”

“I want to be with you forever,” she said, echoing words spoken so many years ago that had stuck with her this entire time. 

“Done,” Ben said lightly.

She smiled, brightening up the entire room. Moments later she let out a squeal when Ben picked her up and moved them to the bedroom. She ended up on the bed first and Ben quickly disposed of her single article of clothing.

“That’s not fair,” she murmured, watching him start to climb on top of her fully clothed. She spread her legs so he could settle between them and he paused, kissing her knees and down her thighs, sending shivers down to her very core.

“These legs,” he said against her skin. “I love these legs.”

“Yes, I know,” she laughed, reaching for him and gripping the shoulders of fabric she could reach, drawing him up to her face. She held his face in her hands, now sparkling with a tiny vintage ring, and spent elongated minutes looking into his eyes. “I love you so very much, Ben Solo.”

He smiled, all crooked teeth and dimples. “Good thing too. You’re stuck with me now.”

Rey scoffed and rolled her eyes. “I’ve been stuck with you for years. That’s nothing new.” Her eyes settled on the ring on the finger--she would have to get used to that--and she took a moment to inspect it. Ben dipped his head and kissed her chin and her jaw, nudging her head back to expose her neck for him to rain kisses down.

“Ben?”

“Mmm?”

“How...how did you afford this ring?”

He paused from his kisses and looked down at her. “Really? You’re asking that now?”

“I’m curious!” She squeezed his hips with her thighs.

“It’s something Lando helped with. Is that good enough for now?”

She thought about it for an elongated time before nodding. “Yes, okay.”

Shaking his head, he resumed kissing her, briskly on the mouth and then continuing down to the slope of her neck. Rey settled back into the mattress and sighed contentedly before she guided him back up to her lips, slotting their mouths together and working on the buttons of his shirt between them.

She smiled into the kiss, unable to contain herself. She was going to have Ben for the rest of her life; her whole universe in a single person, by her side forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be sure to catch up with the last posts on [the twitter thread](https://twitter.com/hunkbuster/status/1234878392182484994)!
> 
> Also, please check out [this amazing fanart](https://jakkuvian.tumblr.com/post/613213244217278464/a-3-point-of-view-lunch-meet-up-delivered-by-the) done over on tumblr! It's a little scene inspired by my fic. :')


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